Maturity-How do YOU define it?

The one.

Ever notice the one at the ball game, the one who forgot it was a game and is acting as though the world has stopped spinning because the ref made a poor call?  How about the one at the bar, the one who has aged in years, but yet is whining like a toddler?  How about the one who has put so much stock in learning, the one with a rich mind but empty soul?  How about the one who gets angry and takes it out on anyone or anything in sight?  Or, maybe the one who can't put the potato chips down each time life gets hard.

The one.  The one everyone seems to notice.  Immaturity does that.  It magnifies our weaknesses.

We all start here.  We've all cried as babies, thrown tantrums, felt the disappointments of life for the first time.  It looks alright on a baby, but it does not look good on an adult who is fully capable of maturing.

Maturity.
How do you define it? 

We all have seen the difference between those who simply grow older and those who choose to grow up.  We can mature in many, many ways.... physically, mentally, emotionally, even spiritually.

To me, maturity is simple.

It is learning to do with what we feel.

When you choose to follow Christ, maturity takes on a whole new meaning.  Because you are committing not only to a lifetime of learning, but maturing as well.  And the scales change.  What the world (or culture) accepts as mature, Christ may not.

Don't get me wrong, Christ fully accepts us right where we are, just as we are..... but He also knows growing in His likeness is in the best interest of anyone who is able, and all those surrounding them.

This addresses the most common salvation defense question I've encountered.  If God will forgive my everything, then why not just keep "living it up" and then "get right with God" just before I die?  Well friend, we've talked about many reasons for that question, but today I'll remind you of just one.

His ways aren't just perfect for heaven.  They are perfect for earth, too.  Doing life His way brings heaven to earth every single day.  Who really wouldn't want a little more of heaven here on earth?  Only pure evil.  The rest of us should want to welcome it with open arms.  We all have the chance to do so......

We all can turn the other cheek when we are wronged.
We all can choose to love unconditionally.
We all can be the bigger in our relationship strife.
We all can extend grace and mercy to those undeserving.
We all can see the hurt of another, even if we are hurting too.
We all can die to our own reputations for His sake.
We all can take the path of integrity no matter the cost.

We all can bring a little more heaven to earth each day.


That's how we all can become the one who gives grace to human refs, even after a bad call.  Or become the one to face life's problems rather than drink until we don't feel.  Or the one who is rich in both mind and soul.  Or the one who doesn't give full vent to our anger.  Or the one no longer chooses to soothe ourselves with food.

Because, let's face it!  No matter the struggle.... 30, 40, 50, 60 year old tantrums just aren't pretty!



So where are you struggling to follow Christ?

Where is He stretching you to learn how to do with what you feel?

Where are you being tempted to follow the world instead of Christ?

I know where mine is right now, and following Him there this week was not easy, nor without struggle.  But, every single struggle presents an opportunity for a victory in Him.... and every single victory in Him brings a little more heaven to this earth and to those all around me.  And He delights.

Jesus Christ.  The only One who can transform and earthly weaknesses into a heavenly touch.  There is none like Him.

Truth, Grace, & Sexual Sin

Wow.

I'm completely overwhelmed by the amount of readers that touched my last post on gender.  I'm humbled by your honesty, and quite frankly, grateful that you all didn't leave me hanging on such a hard topic to touch with written words.  A new season is nearing, and I am pressing on to finish the work of this season.....  Work I'd still rather do face to face instead of screen to screen. 

We are all equal at the foot of the cross.  This is the place I write you from again today.  Seeing my own sin, my own struggles, and trusting that in my own weakness, He is strong.

Our sin affects our world.

It destroys.
It separates.
It is self seeking.
It has consequences.
It hurts those around us.
It is terrible for our soul.

Most of us have struggled with being angry at some point in our lives.

Be it full blown rage or just mild irritation, we've succumb to the temptation that when we are upset by something we should take our anger out on another, or at the very least we've wallpapered our minds in angry thoughts and schemes.  Truth is, often times as we give way to sin in that moment, we feel good.  It is a release.  Whatever was out of our control in our life we, if only for a brief moment, felt a little more in control.  But it is fleeting, temporary.  Only God is in control, we are not. 

Truth is anger doesn't make us any more in control of our own little worlds. 

It is an illusion.  It is sin.  It destroys, separates, is self seeking, has consequences, hurts those around us, and is terrible for our soul.  It is sin.  And the world is a worse place because of it.  Not because I said so, but because God said so.  Anger, hate, bullying... they are all a perversion of the passion God designed in us to use to worship Him.

We all can agree on that.  It's wrong.  It's sin.
A world without anger, hate, and bullying would be better.

But often we struggle to see other sins the same way.

Like casual sex.
Like pornography.
Like homosexuality.


Most of the world is struggling with a sexual sin of some kind today. 

Casual sex, pornography, homosexuality, and lusts of all kinds no longer need to be sought out, they are a huge part of today's world.  Be it a full blown lifestyle or just passing thoughts, we've bit into the temptation and engaged in sexual sin with another, or at the very least wallpapered our minds with it.  And, just like anger, when we give way to lustful sin in the moment, we feel good.  It is a release.  Whatever void for love and acceptance we had, if only for a brief moment, felt a little fuller.  But it is fleeting, temporary.  Only God can fully fill that love void, another person cannot. 

Truth is that twisted sexuality doesn't make us any more loved or more accepted. 

It is an illusion.  It is sin.  It destroys, separates, is self seeking, has consequences, hurts those around us, and is terrible for our soul.  Sin....  and just like anger, the world is a worse place because of it.  Not because I said so, but because God said so.  Homosexuality, pornography, casual sex, lust are all a perversion of the beautiful sexuality God designed in us.

Just like anger, hate, bullying.....yet,
Yet, unlike anger we cannot all agree on one thing:
That a world without homosexuality, lust, casual sex, and pornography could actually be better.

Maybe this is you. 
Chances are good it is many of us. 
We live in a broken world.


We all know that homosexuality is a sin.
We all know that pornography is a sin.
We all know that casual sex is a sin.
We all know that _______ is a sin.

But not very many of us know what to do with that.


 
Beautiful one desiring to follow Jesus and struggling with sexual sin.....
I ask you to think hard on this.... The God of the universe has written His word not just to us, but for us.  For our good, and for His glory.  Could it be possible that the very God who created you might actually know what is best for you?  Could it be possible that He took the time to leave us with far more than just a list of do's and don'ts... that he left us with practical timeless directions on how to navigate this broken world best, as full and whole as possible?  Could it be possible God knows the why and why not's that we were never meant to understand..... that Almighty God might actually know exactly what lies ahead on those paths of sexual sin and how they will destroy us, and out of perfect love He's trying to protect us when He tells us about sin?

Young ones navigating this sexually broken world....
You are not gay because of something that has happened to you.  You are not a pervert if pornography has it's grasp on you.  You are not stuck in a lifetime of casual sex because of your past, including yesterday.  You are not gay if something you have seen on a screen caused a response that you did not expect.  You ARE a young one navigating a sexually broken world who may need help, healing, or accountability.  Do NOT let that define you.  I'm here if you need to talk.

Parents with struggling children, and children with struggling parents.......
When you talk about this, above all else, try to remember that more than likely no one on this earth wants what is best for you more that these people, even when they have a hard time showing it.  Err on the side of grace, but never ever abandon the truth.  You have my prayers today.

Church, dear church......
Could we be the place and the people who could possibly say.... It's okay that you struggle, really it is.  I, myself, after all I am not choosing a lifestyle of anger, but one of grace and mercy.  Yet, when the temptation to become angry becomes a reality, you are who I turn to for prayer, accountability, and hope.  Might we do the same when the temptation of pornography, homosexuality, casual sex, becomes real in the life of one of us desiring to follow Jesus too?  Are you ever temped in the things you put off to follow Jesus?  I know I am.  How would sexual sin be any different?


Above all else, there is one thing I am confident of......  His ABSOLUTE truth is never far from His ABSOLUTE grace.  He never intended one to leave the other.  We need truth.  We need grace.  Only in Jesus do we find both.

I Am a Girl Living in a Transgender World....

When you were born, someone was there.  At the very least your mother, perhaps your father or other family, and likely a doctor, nurse, or midwife.  Whether your sex was known in advance or not, something happened within the first few moments of your life.... it began with visual confirmation, and then a spoken proclamation.

It's a boy!
It's a girl!

Most likely before you ever heard your name, you heard the proclamation of your very being.  Your gender.  Your very being spoken over you, as you breathed your first breaths.


I recently received a baby shower invitation for a new mom whom I love.

It had a notation in the corner that stated it was not a gender neutral shower.  This caught my attention why she added it, as the invitation itself obviously was gender specific.  When I inquired with my young mama friend, and she opened my eyes to the increasing trend her amongst her friends baby showers.

Gender neutral showers.....

In my day this meant you didn't know if it was a boy or a girl... it meant yellow.
Today this means that you may feel free to being either a boy or a girl gift.... it means blue and pink.
It doesn't stop at showers and stuff.
Gender neutral child rearing is also quickly on the rise.

Despite the gender of the child, he or she may choose to wear, or be in some cases, whatever gender he or she desires to be that day or moment.  Pronouns and even names are adjusted as the child requests.  Ultimately, the child chooses his/her gender identity.  True sex is often concealed from everyone except the parents.... and God.  I take great comfort in the latter, despite our parental mess ups-God always knows. 

(Critics, please know my focus is not on boys playing with dolls, or girls pushing trucks... my kids play with both, so refrain from negative or abusive posts!)

In fact, as a child I grew up as the tomboy of our family. 

I was the middle of 5 daughters who all were blessed with talents and skills that put my feminine side to shame.  Their musical talents, crafting skill, curvy handwriting, shapely bodies, gracefulness and loveliness, and shopping abilities seemed to intensify any insecurities I had about having been born a female.  Oh, and I rocked dress wearing something fierce..........
 

I was an awkward boy shaped girl who seldom used a mirror, found her home in the wood shop, or on the ball court, and hung out in pick up trucks with burping, cussing, tobacco chewing shmucks.... I didn't use a fitting room until my mid 20's, and I thought a good haircut was pulling my own hair into a pony tail and slicing a scissor across the uneven tips.  I blew up the first motorcycle I rode, and I wore a Pennzoil ballcap to cover up the mess my "melon bucket" made of my hair as I drove my snowmobile to the courses I took with mostly guys at the tech college.  I didn't receive or extend grace to hardly anyone, and I certainly wasn't loving.... let alone lovely.

I understand what it is like to not easily fit into the girl mold.
I understand what it is like to loathe drama and emotion.
I understand what it is like to totally resent submission.
I understand what it is like to have mostly guy friends.
I understand what it is like to see woman as weak.
I understand what it is like to think being a boy was more fun.
I understand what it is like to wish I was a guy.


Fortunately a guy came along who saw something good in me and made me his wife.  A few years later I left my mostly male career to begin staying at home as a mother.

Now with an even more awkward shape, and an even slimmer wardrobe because of it, I began to enter a mostly female world.  That of the perpetually-at-work-at-home-mom..... full of postpartum emotion.  I started attending groups with all women, and having play dates with other moms, and the insecurities I has stuffed away as a young child soared to all new heights.  I was sure to never measure up.  I was good at my career in the mechanical world, and I could navigate the male world with ease, confidence, and comfort..... but now I found myself mostly paralyzed by fear, discomfort, and insecurity only enhanced by the detail searching eyes of all the other women who were so comfortable around one another, and so "good" at being women.  And on top of that, I was now mom to the most tender hearted, delicate, and compassionate little girls I have ever known..... insecurity overload.

I began to journey with God to find some Truth that could set my captive insecure heart free.  I was a prisoner under my own skin.  It was when I realized what I didn't understand that I began to let His Truth fill in the gaps that I began to feel more comfortable in my own skin.

I didn't understand that I could be fully myself and be fully woman too.
I didn't understand that there was a plan for my life as a woman from the beginning of time.
I didn't understand that I was doubting God's gender for me, I was doubting His perfect plan.
I didn't understand the protection and beauty of mutual submission.
I didn't understand that our very gender is an expression of God himself.
I didn't understand that I became my own god when I thought I knew better.
I didn't understand that I was normal much less beautiful.

Hitting home with any of you???  It's okay if you struggle with any of these things..... really, it is.  I'd love to know more about your story, I'd love to pray for you.

What gender do you call yourself?  Is it the same as the very first thing that breathed over you?  The same as what the God of the universe spoke over you before your own parents and grandparent had even met?  Why or why not? 

The world is an increasingly confusing place for children and young adults.

Facebook now has over 50 different "genders" that we can select for our online profiles.  This reveals how many more people today are struggling with the very real temptation to create their own identity instead of embrace their God given one.  In the beginning.... He created them male and female.  Today, we are still male and female.  God has known your gender since the beginning of time, despite what your profile says.  It was spoken over you before anything else, both on earth and in heaven.  In the still of the night you know this to be True, your body is a part of His story and design, and He never makes mistakes.  Your scars may have shaped you, but they can never define you.

The world now knows the story of beautiful Ryland.  Her parents choose to share her embryonic story with the world online.  A story of a girl who was much like me, and you can believe that it pulled my heartstrings.  At age five, my kids thought they were rodeo clowns, ninjas, and batman.,.. my brother took on the identity of ninja turtle characters at this age.  But they were all still boys and girls at the end of the day.  Here's the thing, Ryland..... no one ever told me that because I felt more like a boy, that that made me a boy.  Thankgoodness.

Because I am not.

I am a girl living in a broken transgender world.
Full of people who think they know better for themselves than Almighty God.
I know, because I was one.

Until the day I decided to follow Jesus in this area of my life, and decided to trust and embrace Truth over my own insecurities.

I began to realize that God made me a torque loving, ballcap wearing, accelerator pressing, dirt loving, comfy clothes wearing, simple hair doing, capital letter writing, blueprint making, mechanical invention contemplating, complexly beautiful unique girl.  And with His help, I have learned how to be a woman who has some traditionally feminine characteristics too.... hospitality, teaching, loving others, gardening, graciousness, giving, mentoring, cooking, organization, and even compassion are now also, only by His grace, a huge part of who I am. 

He has shown me that the less I try to be someone else, and the more I embrace the design He has for my life alone, the better I am at being a what He created me to be..... 

A woman...... created for His glory, and my own good.

What floating down a river taught me about life and family.....

We floated down a river with some extended family this weekend.

It was an awesome ride..... moments worth reflecting on and worth sharing.


As we started down the river, we were all grouped tightly together.  Even though we were in the same current, some floated with ease down the river as others got stuck or were moving along at a much slower pace.  It didn't take long for distance to quickly grow between us all.  Our group now spanned a good section of the river.

It was a beautiful winding river, you couldn't quite see what was too far up ahead.  The ones who were in the lead shouted cautions to those lagging behind, helping them to guide them around the obstacles up they could see up ahead. 

Sometimes you couldn't see the obstacles, but they were there nonetheless.  Lurking just beneath the water, boulders eager to be bruising landmines or tall grasses determined to snare you.  Other times they were more obvious.  Overgrown or down trees, branches stretching out to entangle you.  Large rocks peeking out above the water, warning of the danger below.  Some were easier to navigate around than others.

Most of the time, though, the ride was absolutely glorious.  Smooth waters, gentle current, slight breeze, warm sun, a balance of good company, conversation, reflection, and solitude, all in a beautiful serene setting.  Family all around to help work together if you needed it. 

Arms and legs sprawled over tubes warm from the sun.  Sunglasses and hats.... some more "interesting and secure" than others.  Shoes off, shoes on, shoes as paddles, shoes lost.  Toes and fingers reaching for other tubes, linking together.  Smiles..... glorious smiles.

At one point there was a lone tube, stuck in a huge down tree.  No one was there to help them.  They had quite the job ahead of them to get around what had entrapped them.  No one could help them without risking popping their own tubes, and it made me think of this.  It made me glad to be floating with my family.

And then came the rapids......

All the recent flooding and heavy rain sure helped bustle us right along. What an adventure!  Shoes lost, tubes flipped, water soaked, knees and toes cut, giggles and shivers.  I think over half our group landed at our exit point either bloody or bruised.  (I personally couldn't even stand up on the slippery rocks, because I was giggling at a certain aunt upstream who was desperately trying to remount her capsized tube.... most likely weakened by the same terrible giggling disease I have.)

Our river journey finally came to an end. 

We gathered again together.  Sharing stories, triumphs, giggles, hugs, shivers, comparing battle bruises and wounds.  We discussed how to navigate the current, rapids, and landing more successfully next time.  A determination to conquer the next adventure met a sadness for those who missed out.

The only posted danger sign along the way was for the rapids, but many other things were obstacles nonetheless.  It could have been a boulder or tree, or perhaps a change in current, a gust of wind, a cloud, a sandbar, long reeds, litter, slippery rocks, fear, or isolation.... they all sure seemed inconvenient and quite unpleasant at the time.

But they didn't matter anymore.  It didn't matter how much pain they caused.  It didn't matter the trial or circumstances we had faced.  What mattered was we all landed on the shore safely to walk away together.

Eager to move on to what is ahead..... together.



This river reminded me of life.
This river reminded me of family.



We start off this journey as a family, neatly grouped all together.  The current of life happens, and distance of some nature is inevitable.  We are all in the same journey together, but we take different paths at different speeds.  Many times we are out of reach, other times too close for comfort.

Just like the river, we do not know what is up ahead of us.  There are some things in life that have obvious warning signs, and but there are many other hidden things that are just as dangerous.  Things that slow us down, or entrap us.  There are constant threats in this life, and we all need guidance to navigate it well.

Many times those who have gone ahead of us shout words of caution to those headed toward similar obstacles, hoping to be a guide away from danger or pain.  And, although most of our journey may be smooth, from time to time we all face unforeseen and inevitable obstacles along the way.  It is in these moments that working together is essential.

Floating that river alone would not have been half as fun, and certainly would have been far more dangerous.

Above all else, one thing is certain for us all. 

All of our journey's come to an end.  Family meets us there, despite the distance along the way.  Stories are shared, battle scars and wounds are exposed.



You may be wondering what this has to do with following Jesus.
My answer is........ absolutely everything



You see even though our journey down the river was complete, we faced one specific problem.  We got off on the wrong side of the river.  Across the swiftly moving post rapid current and full of slippery dangerous rocks, on the other side of the river was the pick up spot where a shuttle would deliver us safely home.  After the trouble we had just standing up in the water near the edge, all of us knew there was no way we were going to be able to cross over the river on our own strength.  There was nothing we could do.

Thankfully, someone had provided a way.  I was so busy enjoying the ride, I had completely missed it.  I had floated right under it.  There just behind us, spanning high over the river was a walking bridge. 





I love bridges.  They are marvelous and full of wonder.  A marvel deeper than knowing that man was able to connect two pieces of land together for so many to cross.  A wonder deeper than being a gateway to a new place to discover.  Deeper yet.  A soul deep wonder.  They cause me to marvel at The Bridge that was built, provided, and gifted to me in Christ.  The Bridge that no man can build, no enemy can destroy, and has the ability to set all things right.

So on that river's edge, we did the only thing left to do at the end of a journey.  One by one we crossed safely over the bridge, and began our way home... together.

Just as fast as our river journey passed........

We hugged together.
We applied sunscreen together.
We mounted tubes in the cool water together.
We peed together.
We floated together.
We talked together.
We listened together.
We contemplated together.
We giggled together.
We grinned together.
We shivered together.
We adored creation together.
We soaked up rays together.
We rode the rapids together.
We bruised our bottoms together.
We wiped out together.
We cut our toes together.
We ate wild berries together.
We rode a bus together.
We picnicked together.
We threw a Frisbee together.
We shared old memories together.
We watched our men nearly die on a waterslide together.
We hugged one another little tighter together.
We said goodbye together.

Just as fast.....the journey of life also quickly comes to an end.


And when it does, the only thing that really truly matters is that we all have found The Bridge that delivers us safely home, together........ forever.

Hope for The Fatherless Generation

Father's Day. 

I've already lost some of you. 
Actually, I've already lost most of you. 
The Fatherless Generation....... most of us.


STAY WITH ME.

Which means more Father's Day cards will be delivered by mail than by hand, or not at all.
Which means dads who didn't even know they were dads until it was too late will grieve.
Which means more children and fathers will be remembered rather than embraced this day.
Which means a great deal for the America we live in today.

STAY WITH ME.

I've learned a lot watching my husband father our children.

I've learned that men are created with an innate need to provide well for their families.
I've learned that it is God's plan for fathers to protect their children.
I've learned that our home runs best when I let my husband lead our family.
I've learned that a father's sense of responsibility and work ethic is noted by his children.
I've learned that dads need respect as much as moms need love.
I've learned that dads impact children with a greater sense of authority, courage, and integrity.
I've learned husbands are designed to depict Christ to the world is so many ways.

While I'm thankful and grateful for a husband who has been this model for our children, I had to learn to let go of the pain I was carrying from my own abandonment as a child in order to appreciate it.

So, I can relate to what some of you are thinking:

But my dad didn't......
But I never was given the chance to.....
If only she would have let me.....
If only he could have....
Boy, do I fall short....

You know by now, I'm not leaving you on a heavy note without hope.

SO STAY WITH ME.

Truth is..... it's still can be hard for me, too.

Which is the only reason I feel I can even come close to touching this.
I've been thinking about this for several years now.
And I'm watching it unfold before me.

The Fatherless Generation.

A generation largely....
Void of provision.
Void of protection.
Void of leadership.
Void of responsibility.
Void of work ethic.
Void of respect.
Void of authority.
Void of courage.
Void of integrity.
Void of Christ.

America.

Humbling, isn't it.
The Fatherless Generation.

This picture made me really think.
It made me think about what I made my own absent father look like.
What would your earthly father look like?

Loving and caring,
generous and selfless,
serving and strong,
providing and integral,
present and courageous,

or perhaps....

Absent or distant,
selfish or weak,
lazy or irresponsible,
disengaged or unconcerned,
lying or cheating,
harsh or angry.

There is also one more thing I have learned.
Often, our picture of our earthly father resembles our picture of our Heavenly Father too.

You see, that is where I went wrong.

I began to sketch out my own God out of my own circumstances. 
Not intentionally, but indirectly it happened over time. 
I sketched out a God that did not reflect my Heavenly Father at all.
And it is happening in homes all across America today.

Thankfully, I couldn't have been more wrong.

While my earthly father remained distant and removed,
I had a Heavenly Father who never, ever left my side. 
While my earthly father was disengaged and unconcerned,
I had a Heavenly Father who knew and cared about every single detail of my life.

Kids can live without dads.
Dads can live without kids.
But an entire nation with a wrong impression of who God is.... will tear itself apart.
We are watching it happen.
It is the one thing regardless of political party, religion, or race we can agree on these days.
Our nation is in need of transformation.

I can't help to feel that the crisis of integrity, leadership, and even economics that we find ourselves in doesn't somehow relate to the fact that millions of men either stepped away from or were denied the ability to do the very things they were designed to do:  provide, protect, lead, instill a sense of responsibility and work ethic, be respected, teach the virtues of authority, courage, integrity..... we're missing our image bearers of Christ, and are afraid of (or avoiding meeting) a God that is really not at all Who we've drawn Him up to be.

Sure, there are many other things that have played their part.  But really, how can the vast void of all of this, and the creation of so many unapproachable or vacant gods have not affected us.

I know guys struggle with what to do when they feel like a failure.
But, I also know that they are also designed with an desire to want to fix things.
Like fixing most things, we need to start with the only thing we can change... ourselves.

I don't know your story, but I know God can redeem all brokenness.
Your mess is not to big for Him, if you take it to Him.
Jesus is in the business of transforming lives, and we need transformation.
Only He can take things intended for evil, and turning it into something good.
No matter how you've drawn Him up, God wants to reveal the Truth of who He is.
Let Him begin to redeem your story.
Seize and prioritize opportunities to engage as a father.
Learn about what God wants a father to do and be, and become that.
There are always ways to tell your children you love them, you'll find a way if your looking.

(A special note to all the fathers of aborted children.  Abortion counsel is not just for women.  Men, many times the void of all that you were intended to be grows and intensifies with time.  Don't ignore it.  There are a rising number of both young and older men now seeking help to heal.  Help is available, seek it out.  If you had no say, or found out after the abortion.... my heart goes out to you.  Know that I have paused to pray for you all to find the courage to find someone that you can trust with your story.  Our nation needs you to heal, too.  You make up a big part of us.)

We are at the place in history, where every man who follows Christ could have dozens fatherless children and several fathers that he is sharing Truth with... and still there would be more.  But God's plan for discipleship only starts with one.  Who is that in your life?  Go find them, they seldom are brought to you.  Who will look back one day and thank you for being there for them?

Biological fathers taking every chance to be present and engaged.....  well done.
Fathers raising children that mothers have walked away from.... well done.
Fathers raising children that do not share your blood.....  well done.
Fathers walking alongside other fathers in Truth..... well done.
Fathers speaking into lives of the fatherless...  well done.
Fathers deciding to turn it around..... well done.
You are helping heal this nation.
One life at a time.

It is so much deeper than just your home, guys.
Fathers, we need you..... all of you, desperately.
Reconcile with as many family members as you can.
Step up to be what you were created to be.
Teach them what God designed you to do best.

Provide, protect, lead, display responsibility and good work ethic, be worthy of respect, teach the virtues of authority, courage, integrity..... be an image bearer of Christ to our needy world.

There a billions of stories out there yet to be told.
Each one is as unique as each man is. 
Share yours with someone.
Listen to someone else's.
Begin to heal a nation.
In your home.

20 Things I Wish I Would Have Known When I Graduated....

I'm about to do something I never expected do..... list blog.   (*gasp*) 
Many of you seem to be incredibly fond (and mildly addicted) to them.
I confess (*sigh*) that I really am not.
However, it seemed like the best fit for this post.

By now most graduation ceremonies and celebrations are now in the history books for the year... the excitement and checklists lists have settled down, silly square hats worn and thrown, cards are opened, hugs, flowers and congratulations have been exchanged among the loved ones.... plans both of the known and unknown shared about future hopes and dreams.

And now sit many graduates are with temporarily heavier wallets and likely daily contemplations of what to do with the short amount of time left to "live it up" before leaving for school, or beginning military training..... or before all other friends all leave town if you are staying local.

This is the first time in a decade that I haven't been surrounded by conversations with young adults entering into, exiting out of, or in the middle of this defining season of life.  I love and miss those talks.  Although we can't speak face to face, I extend my congratulations to you, and hope this little list blog may encourage you find or follow Christ along your journey.

20 Things I wish I would have known when I graduated:


You are in the most defining season of your life.  So many decisions are made in early adulthood that will forever affect your life.  Beyond just choosing a career or major.  It is the season where most people meet their future spouse, where many lifelong habits or addictions are often formed, and for many their faith becomes either real, found, or abandoned.

Your choices will now have lifelong consequences now.  Sex, alcohol, and drugs..... they have the power to create, change, or end life.  Before now, you most likely had to seek this out in secret... now, they will be seeking you out regularly in public.  The consequences of your choices in these areas may, might, perhaps could, will affect your future spouse and your children.

Sin affects those around you.  In a world consumed with self, do not forget that your wrong choices never only affect you.

Don't dread the drudgery, expect it.  No one lands their ideal career job right off the bat, expect to start somewhere less than your perfect ideal.  God is far more interested in building your character through the mundane daily things that you'll be tempted to otherwise put off.  Do them.

Work hard.  Toward your grades, in your jobs, in boot camp, wherever you end up.  The Lord says that when we are faithful with a little He gives us more.  Learn to be faithful with a little.

Debate is good, but attack is bad.  God intended us to learn from one another, be open to that-- but don't be so set on being right that you would attack the character of another person.

Choose a major or a job.  Do it.  Sure it's hard to, but find something to aspire to.  It's okay that you are not 100% sure of it, select something anyway..... I have adults every day on my newsfeed that are still taking quizzes to tell them all about who they are and what they should be.  It is a lot to be confident in as a young adult. That's okay, but pick something..... it's time.

Quit thinking God is only on one path, and you may miss it.  He is the God that holds the whole universe in order.... I'm quite certain He frequents both Yale and Harvard.  = ) Be far more concerned that on one path He there is wanting to pour out His favor and blessing (as a result of your choices and obedience), and that He is on the other path as well--arms wide open and willing to redeem any mess you've gotten into.  He isn't on one path and not the other.  It only matters that you seek Him on whichever path your on.

Don't be afraid of the hard times.  You will face trials of many kinds, some will be your fault and some won't.  All are intended to grow you in character and maturity.  Quit hoping for a fair world.  It never has been, and never will be.  Learn to make the best of the hard times, they will come.

God is not an instant God.  We live in an instant world, we desire results immediately... God is not that way.  Don't feel like He's less present, less caring, or less capable because you aren't seeing Him work in your timeframe. 

Find a church.  Believer or not, find a church to connect with... and invite someone to go with you.  For me as an unbeliever then, this was only a few times a year for a college student meal.  I'm glad I went.  Volunteer.  Drink free coffee.  Ponder God.  Awaken your faith as your own.  Go.

Things will never be the same.  It's true.... but don't fear it.  I've never met an adult who ever wished they were back in the drama of high school.

Call your parents.  More often than you think you should.  Do it.  Keep saying I love you.  You are almost to the point in life where you'll realize that they were right about far more than you ever imagined.

Stop the serial dating.  Most of you did this through high school.  Bouncing from one relationship to the next.  Stop it.  Be single for a while.  Be picky about who you want to date.  Girls, let him chase you for a while.... there is a good chance he may be your future spouse or in the way of your future spouse.... either way, you won't regret him learning how to pursue you.  Guys-quit the hookups, they mess with the rest of your life.

Seize opportunities to volunteer.  As often as they come.  Change your little part of this big world.

Focus on one thing at a time.  Give each experience your full attention.

Put your phone down and talk to people.  Your likely addicted to online browsing or texting to pass time.  Be intentional about putting the screens away.  Talk to someone around you instead, look into their eyes. As you do and your day will be far better.  Laugh.  Often.  Especially during finals.

And lastly, but most importantly my top three.... 

Run TO God with your pain, not AWAY from Him.  Heartache, trial, failure, defeat, depression, loneliness, regret...... turn to Him in all of it.  He already knows about it anyway--let him be your comfort.

Ask someone you respect to be your mentor.  Seek them out.  Tell them you'd like to trust their confidence and lean on their advice from time to time.  Stay in touch with them.

Turn around.  It doesn't matter how far you've turned away, when you decide to turn around, Jesus meets you right there.  But only you can choose to turn yourself around.  Do it, don't wait.



Well there you have it.  Many of you already know the love I hold in my heart for college students and young adults.  It is a privilege to be able to speak into your lives.  Embrace the season that you are in.  It is special.  You are about to learn more about yourself than you ever cared to know.  You are not a child anymore..... own your faults, work on your weaknesses, and cultivate your strengths.  Find Jesus.  Follow Him, and the rest will fall into place.




Side note....

Parents, know I am praying for you.  Parenting adult children is not easy, but stay engaged.  Open your hands, but trust your gut.  Recently Stormie Omartin has been posting some great encouragement on her FB page from her book The Power of Praying for Adult Children.  Looks to be a great resource.  As I see her posts, I pray for you as parents.  May be worth "liking" her on FB.

Daring to push past "I'm sorry" when you've really blown it with your kids.....

Alright, I promised here that we'd talk about the parenting side of it....... yup, spoken lies.  Those things people have said about you that somehow work their way into the fabric of your identity, even though they are completely false.  So, today, let's think specifically on wounding words from a parenting perspective..... this is huge and sneaks into almost every family when things are tense.

What do you tend to do when life seems overwhelming or difficult?  What kind of thoughts run through your mind?  How do you react when your child is angry or defiant?  Do you tend to get angry and yell, or do you freeze and say nothing and brood in your mind, or become frightened and give in, or escape and ignore?  Specifically, what kinds of words come naturally to your tongue? 

You will never amount to anything!
You always make such a mess of things!
You're such a moron!
Knock it off.... stop it!
You should know better than that!
Man, you can't do anything right!
Leave me alone-you always give me such a headache.
Your absolutely worthless.
That's it- I don't want to talk about it again!
You never learn, do you?
You can't wear that!
If I want anything done right around here, I have to do it myself.
That'll never work!
You know what I think, so don't even ask!
There, you've done it again!
Stop it!  I have a splitting headache.
I knew I shouldn't have trusted you!
You never listen!

So many parental reactions begin with lines like these.
And typically, they are only the beginning of many hurtful words said in anger.
Which one made you twinge with guilt or feel uneasy as you read it?
Which one might your kids say is your go-to reaction line?
Reread the list and figure it out..... listen for them.
Identifying it may just may help you hit the pause button the next time things become tense.

Either way, more than likely we waver on one extreme or the other when parenting gets tough.  And more than likely, the majority of our natural reactions were shaped long before our parenting journey ever began.  In fact, I recently read that our daily working adult vocabularies are almost completely formed by age two. 

Wow.  Age two.
Seems hopeless then right?

Not really......

Every single one of us has an earthly lineage. 

At one point, we were all dependent upon someone to show us how to do life.  Even if they didn't recognize or step up to the responsibility, we still were learning.  We learned how to eat, speak, act, and react.  Earthly lineages all have one thing in common:  Regardless of how perfect someone else's seems, they are all laced with sin. 

Every.  single.  one.  of.  us.

None of us came from a perfect home.
None of us live in one today.
We are all equal sinners at the foot of the cross.

We all feel it.
We have our moments.
Our reactions are sinful.
Some of us spew.
Some of us brood.
Some of us ignore.
But we all are guilty.

And, we all need encouragement in HUGE doses.  Especially when we screw up, or are trying to learn something new. 

But somehow, it seems this is often the time the enemy of my soul sends these phrases on a journey from the back of my memory to the tip of my tongue at lighting fast speed.  These often are the moments in which I'm trying to do life on my own strength, and just wanting things to go my way.  And they seldom do.  I know this.  Yet the tone of my voice, spewed reactive words, and an unforgiving and unapproachable disposition show in these moments I'm still desperately reaching for the one thing that is unreachable.......... control.

Control.
And it's out of reach every single time.
Because it was never intended to be within my grasp.
Yet, I reach for it.
You reach for it.

We throw those silent expectations of ourselves as parents right out the window.... to protect them from anything that would hurt them, to give them what was best, maybe perhaps the life that we never had, we vowed we would never  do this or that, we promised to always be there for them, that they could tell us anything, that we would never hurt them.

Yet somehow in one moment....
Over something that doesn't even matter at all.......
The little sinner in them ignites the big sinner in us......
And we feel anger toward the very little things that we hold so dear......
And out of nowhere that same cozy intentional protective parent
Blows, or broods, or stews, or ignores and becomes:
A lie planter....
A spirit breaker....
A dream crusher.....
....and when they cool off, we all know it.


Didn't know we were signing up for this, did we?
Broken our childish naïve "I will never do that..." vows.
Parenting is incredibly hard.

So before we fall into mommy guilt overload, let's just really be honest and ask ourselves.... how's it really working?  What's a parent to do?

I mean, sure I can get my way.
Sin and all.
But at the end of the day, it's still evil.
And evil always brings destruction and death.
Eventually.

So what do you do in moments like these? 
Do you wear the "parent badge" and justify your sin? 
Do you pray and ask forgiveness? 
Do you apologize, and then just repeat again later?

I'm no expert.  But look around.  Our world is busy.  Rushed.  Hurried.  Stressed Out. 

Angry parents are no longer the abnormal, it is now abnormal to see a parent not stressed out.  In fact if they are not stressed out, they are likely checked out.  Parents are reactive today, not proactive....   And the more reactive we are, the more lies the enemy taunts us to feed our children..... which means our kids are feasting on them.  One by one, parental insults and wounds that slowly mound up to insecurities that will affect their daily adult lives.  Sure, some of them seem harmless to say.... but think about how harmless they feel.

And so many of us are spoon feeding our kids tiny little lies daily.

So how do we replace these lies with truth?

You know I am no licensed expert.
I have no fancy degrees on the wall.
In fact quite the opposite.

However, in Christ....
I can share with you how I follow Jesus in moments like these.
I can share with you how I bring the gospel, the good news, to my kids after I've blown it.
I can share with you that our kids need it just as much as we do.
I can share with you how I tap into my spiritual lineage to overcome the sin patterns of my earthly lineage.
I can share with you that it is working to redeem the lies I've feed my own kids as a parent.

Redemption is beautiful.

Okay, story time:

A couple years ago as I was pondering what my role as a parent looked like to "spiritually train" my children, when God placed something very simple on my heart.  You bring the good news to them.... over and over and over.  At first, I thought that this was as simple as making sure they understood what Jesus did for them..... after all, that is the good news--the gospel.  Then I went and made it all difficult and unrealistic thoughts of family devotions (You know-- the thing that young dad is "suppose" to know how to structure and lead even though young mom has every detailed idea of what it's "suppose" to look like.... and yes-your young family is "supposedly" failing miserably it even though no one has actually said it..... yup, those) and anyway... insecurity hit big time.  The more I thought about it, the more intimidated I got.

Been there?
There's hope.

Sometime later on, after I'd spoken harshly to one of the kids, I found myself on my knees before God asking first for His forgiveness, and taking some time to cool down before going to apologize.  That was my messy routine:  Blow up-- cool down-- pray up-- apologize-- repeat.... (Can anyone relate?)  I prayed a simple prayer that I'd prayed many times, but this time it changed my parenting forever.  Lord, help me to go make this right.  His answer caught my attention.... YOU can't.

YOU can't....

     What do you mean I can't?

YOU can't, but I can.

     I know you can, Lord. 

God wasn't saying I shouldn't apologize.
He wasn't saying what I had done was unforgivable.
He wasn't saying I should throw in the towel and give up.
He wasn't saying reconciliation was hopeless.
That's not the character of God.

I humbled myself, yet again, and went and found the child I had crushed and began to apologize...
It started as my typical parenting apology.....

I'm sorry I became angry and spoke harshly to you. 

      It's ok.... (face disagreeing.)

I know how I spoke to you was wrong, mommies make mistakes too.

      I know..... (shared comfort in knowing we both blew it.)

I've asked Jesus to forgive me, can you forgive me too? 

      Yes.  (Softening a little....)

So, what can we do different so this doesn't happen again next time?

       Well, I can try to.....  

That's when it began to hit me deeper..... YOU can't.  My child extended forgiveness and began to rewalk the situation, but my mind began to race.  That feeling when you know change is upon you... but you can't define exactly how just yet.  God at work.  It began to hit me that on our own strength we can do nothing to guarantee that sin won't affect us "next time."  Sure, it's important to rewalk situations with children to help them learn what they can change in their choices.... but God was showing me what I was missing. 

I was relying on my own words.
I had been operating on my own strength.
I was hoping I could choose better next time.
I was tapping into the blood of Christ for forgiveness.....
BUT, I had never tapped into the truth to breathe life into the wounding words I'd spoke.

You bring the good news to them.... over and over and over.

YOU can't.... but I can.

       I know you can, Lord.

       Show me how. 

In Christ, we have no reason to fear the hard times..... in parenting, in marriage, or in life.  I realize that it is in the hard times that more faith is required, and more teachable moments appear.  We teach our children far more about what really matters in life during difficult days than during the compliant days.  Because in these days they see our dependency on God, they see our strength is not enough, they see we can't do it on our own..... and they realize their own need for The Lord.

This is what I was missing in the aftermath of my "mama has really blown it" moments.....

Truth.
The gospel.
The good news.
Life giving words.

I didn't get it then, but I am beginning to get it now. 
You see, this is more than a story about the God-man dying on a cross to pay for sin. 
It's a story that includes you and me..... and all of our kids.
A promise that from the beginning of time there has been plan and a purpose for our lives.
It is the ultimate triumph over evil with perfect good.
A guarantee that all that the enemy wanted to use for bad, God can use for good.
I know no other man that can promise and deliver such things.

Life giving words.
The good news.
The gospel.
Truth.

When we become a new creation in Christ, we also acquire a spiritual lineage.

So in Christ, we have a spiritual lineage as well as an earthly lineage.  Which means..... I can choose to walk in my earthly lineage full of reactions and sin.  Or...... I can tap into my spiritual lineage in Christ and breathe life into the destruction.

So what does this look like for us?

After I get upset and say things I really don't mean that are hurtful....

I don't stop at I'm sorry.
I don't stop after rewalking.
I don't stop after asking forgiveness.
It's not over when I've cooled down.
It's not over when I've prayed....

It's not over until I bring the good news to them.

I share the incredible story that before time even began, that there was a plan for their little life....
And it is written by the God that created the whole world....
The giver of every heartbeat, and controller of all the heavens and waters.....
And there is a purpose here that only they can fulfill......
Their own special part of a divine plan to help grow His kingdom...
A kingdom where we cannot cause one another hurt or pain....
Like the pain I just caused you.
Which is why God sent His Son, Jesus for us....
Because no matter how hard we try....
We blow it.
We make mistakes.
We say things that hurt others.
Even some times to those who matter most to us.
And God knows, and understands, and willingly forgives us if we ask.
Isn't that good news?
I've asked Him to forgive me, can you?
You want to know more great news?
And then I tell them a few of my favorites off of here...... such as:
You are wonderfully made in the very image of God.....
His plans for you have a hope and future....
I'm sorry I said something that would make you doubt any of that.
Your an incredible kid, and God trusted me with the incredible task of raising you...
And I'm going to mess up a million times....
But you know what else?????
Then I'm gonna bring you good news.... a million and one.


My words may heal... or wound.
My prayer may be powerful.... or ineffective.
My choices may help.... or hurt.
But Jesus Christ always bring healing, help, power, and life.


So the real question is: 

What do we have to loose by bringing the good news to our kids when we've blown it as a parent?  

Nothing.  It is all gain.  Yet, we often try to bring them the good news at the "good" times in an idealistic "family devotion" kind of way.  Yet, Jesus brought the good news to the hurting, and met them right where they were at in the middle of their pain and suffering. 

Following Jesus isn't conditional.
He wants us in the trenches for Him.
Even (and especially) the ones we've dug ourselves. 
Dare to push past and earthly I'm sorry.
And reach for the one thing that is always reachable....
Good news.

You bring the good news to them.... over and over and over.

YOU can't.... but I can.

       I know you can, Lord.

       Show me how. 

I believe I have taught more about Christ to my children in the moments that go terribly wrong, than the moments that seem smooth.  Every time I blow it I have an opportunity to bring the gospel to them.  When their little lives seem so hard, and when my words have wounded them to doubt who they really are.... He gives me the incredible privilege of bringing them good news and breathing life back into their broken little spirits..... by bringing the good news to them. 

And it's working.
It holds my marriage together.
It holds my little family together.
It points them to the One who can fix what I can't.
It is showing my kids following Christ is far more than being obedient.
It assures us all of who we are in His eyes, so we treat one another better.
It is the ultimate reminder that control cannot be grasped by anyone but God.
It stops the eye rolling of children seeing right through otherwise false parental promises.

And best of all, it kicks unrealistic mommy guilt right back into the pit where it belongs.

Silent Signs full of Spoken Lies

You know the videos. 

Those silent ones where people bring a powerful message or story to life by flipping several cards or signs for their audience to read.  Hearts exposed.  Pain revealed.  Many times sharing the hurtful things that people have said or done.  Other times sharing their own thoughts or secrets that have never broken past their own skin.  Some of them inspiring and hopeful, others desperate cries to escape the entrapment within their own skin.  All are stories Christ cares deeply about. 

Ever feel like your silently carrying one of those signs?

Words penned on it that someone else has spoken about you.  Words you wondered if they were true.  Spoken by another. Sometimes we speak them to ourselves.  We pen things across our minds every single day in our self talk.  How would your silent video sign(s) read today?

I will never amount to anything.
I can't do anything right.
Worthless.
Fat.
I always mess things up.
I am hated.
Failure.
I'll be stuck forever.
Lazy.
I ask dumb questions.
Moron.
I have stupid ideas.
Ugly.
Not enough.
Perfect.
Unlovable.

We all have lies dancing through our thought life.  Some we've put there.  Some others have.  Parents.  Friends.  Enemies.  Coworkers.  Family.  Strangers......  It doesn't matter who spoke it, all lies are straight from the pit.

Many of us have been guilty of shouting these lies to our own children in moments of rage or anger.  The very ones we hope to build up, not tear down.  (Ouch!  Parents-saving this one for next time.)

What if the lies tattooed on our minds would suddenly raise to the surface and be worn on our skin?  Some appearing in bold large font in highly visible places.  You know, the ones you've heard all your life, or maybe were only spoken once, but who said it to you had great significance in your life.  Others would be faded from the years, but still there.  The recent ones would be still slowly being inked across your skin the more you toy with them.  A label someone else gave you.  A label you gave yourself.  For all to read.  For all to know.  A false identity.  Thankfully, this won't happen.

Something more incredible already has.....
Truth has been spoken about you. 
Before you were even born.
A real identity.

The world is very interested in self worth.
I've worked with lots of hurting girls and learned this:

The world does not need more self worth.
The world needs more of His worth.
We need to know who He says we are.
We need to know who we are to Him.
Jesus Christ.

Because once we know that, we can take the lies of this world that have been tattooed in our minds and hearts.... the silent signs that we are holding up today, and replace them with the truth.  Anytime, anyplace.  I'm sharing my favorite Truth cards with you below.  These are the ones that have helped me replace lies in my own life...  This is how I bring the gospel, the good news, alive in my own life each day.  The more stock I place in these truths and the less credit I give to the lies, the more content and meaningful my life becomes.  They are my true identity, who I was created to be.  I took hold of all of these things when I accepted Christ, but I still have remind myself of who I am in Him every. single. day.... when I blow it as a mom or wife..... whenever doubt, fear or worry comes to visit me.... when I look in the mirror and all my imperfections seem to magnify-- I am still taking hold of them each day.

Read through them.... S L O W L Y.   Listen to the truth that has been spoken of you, dear one.  This is what Jesus has written on top of the lies of your silent sign for you today. Try a little bit of HIS worth on for size, and I think you'll find it looks good on you.  Take just one today, and repeat it to yourself over and over and over.  Take another tomorrow.  Begin to let the truth set you free.

YOU are the apple of My eye…  Psalm 17

you are FEARFULLY and WONDERFULLY MADE…  Psalm 139

you are My TREASURED POSSESION…  Deuteronomy 7

you are REDEEMED... Galations 3

you are My RIGHTEOUSNESS in Christ... 2 Corinthians 5

you are the TEMPLE of My Holy Spirit... 1 Corinthians 6

you are FREE from condemnation! Romans 8

you are MORE than a conqueror! Romans 8

you are FREE from weaknesses and diseases… Matthew 8

you are a JOINT-HEIR with My Son… Romans 8

you are a BRANCH of My TRUE VINE… John 15

you are the LIGHT of My world… Mathew 5 & Ephesians 5

you are in the palm of MY HAND… Isaiah 49

I will NEVER leave you or forsake you…Deuteronomy 31, Joshua 1, & Hebrews 13

you are the SALT of My earth... Matthew 5

you are COMPLETE in Me. Colossians 2

you are ACCEPTED in Me… Ephesians 1

you are ALIVE in Me...Romans 6

you are covered by the shadow of MY HAND… Isaiah 5

you are My AMBASSADOR... 2 Corinthians5

you are a MEMBER of My HOUSEHOLD… Galations 6

My LOVE and FAITHFULLNESS go before you… Psalm 89

I LOVE you as much as I love My Son… John 17

NOTHING can pluck you from my hand... John 10

you are DELIVERED from darkness… Romans 6 & Colossians 1

you are a NEW CREATION… 2 Corinthians 5

you are my CHILD… 1 John 3

I LOVED you before the creation of the world… John 17

in ME there is REST… Matthew 11

I know the PLANS I have for you…Jeremiah 29

I give POWER to the weak… Isaiah 40

I supply ALL your needs… Philippians 4

OVERWHELMING VICTORY is yours through My Son… Romans 8

the PEACE I give, the world cannot… John 14

My GRACE is sufficient for you… 2 Corinthians 12

My STRENGTH is made perfect in your weakness… 2 Corinthians 12

even now My Son is EXHAULTED in your body…Philippians 1

My promise preserves your LIFE…Psalm 119

let my UNFAILING LOVE be your COMFORT… Psalm 119

Selah, my friend.... Selah.

Parents, more on bringing this good news to your kids (especially after you've blown it) next time.

Remembering those who have laid their lives down for me....

13 years ago I was working on a team that was designing a concept powertrain/transmission/PTO for a new line of Caterpillar ag tractors.  It was after our annual team outing to the Farm Progress Show when I received "the call." 

The first of many more to come. 

A good friend and coworker directed me to use the phone in his workspace.  News, silence, words, and tears were shared as my throat closed up, swollen with grief.  It would not be the last time that this same friend would offer timely integral words of grace following a life changing call from that very same place.  It is the very character of God to surround us with His fingerprints even, and especially in difficult times... I'm grateful for His touch.

The call.

He had been sick for a while.
Every time we spoke I would wonder if it was the last.
I felt every. single. inch. of the 600 miles between each time the receiver would click.
I will never forget the conversations we had over my lunch breaks.
We knew it was only a matter of time..... as it is for all of us.

Every single day so many lives change forever....
Because of that messenger we all know as "the call."
On the other line is the end of life as you once knew it to be.

Death, cancer, sickness, injury, and birth....
That place where life is truly seen as precious.
Where we feel the depth of our hearts.
Where priorities get aligned.
Love is extended.
Families gather.
Souls awaken.

His name was Randy.
He was my father.
He was a gift.
He was the man who loved my mother....
and adopted her children not by name, but by heart.
We now call him Pappy in our home.
He is missed.
Incredibly.

He was taken far too soon for us all.
A son, brother, uncle, friend, husband, and father.
He had been in our life for a short 13 years.
Raised up half a dozen kids that were not his own.
Survived being the father to 5 teenage daughters all at once.
He didn't get to walk them all down the isle.
Never held a grandchild in his arms.
Didn't get to finish raising his sons.

He was gone too soon.

In his life, he taught me how to be a living memorial.
Selflessness, sacrifice, service, unconditional love.
In his death, he taught me to tend to my soul.
I am thankful for both.

Because the truth is, we all are gone too soon.
A life cut far short of the Master's original plan for us.
We were designed to live a life with Him forever.
It doesn't matter if we live a total of 2 hours, 2 months, 2 years, or 102 years.....
We all live lives cut far short of the original plan.
Even the longest of lives is but a blink compared to eternal life.

We're all gone too soon.

The really hard part of grieving loved ones from a distance, is that the only words that are spoken are words of sorrow and sympathy.  There is no shared remembrance.  It is absolutely and completely void of sharing loving memories with people who understand who this person was to you.  Isolation is it's own grief, and it greets you the moment the long road home is staring you in the face. 

Remembering is important, God places no one in our lives by accident.  Now, I love to take the time to remember loved ones with people I never new, especially if they are grieving away from their loved ones.  One day, who knows... I may even recognize one of them.


Memorial Day.


It's a day we honor those who have laid their own lives down for us.
A day to honor sacrifice, service, and selflessness.
I remember soldiers.
I remember the cross.
I remember my Pappy.

Absolutely, honor those who have laid their lives down for you.
Certainly, remember your loved ones who touched your life.
Mostly, consider what it means to be a living sacrifice.

Thank you Pappy, for showing me how to do this.
You've made it easier for me to follow Jesus.
Through your life....
And your death.

Mother's Day-Honoring untold stories

It's that time of year.

Another delicate topic.... Mother's Day. 

My heart goes out to women everywhere as this time approaches. 
This day brings such mixed emotions for women. 

As a follower of Christ, I've began most Mother's Day mornings gathered with other believers in worship.  Many times, the most peculiar thing happens..... all mothers are asked to stand to be honored, to be blessed.  I've been in many different places on this day, and most of the time this seems to be common practice.  I dread this moment.

This is my job.
Full time.
No pay.

.....and yet,  I loathe this moment terribly.

Sure, I long for acknowledgement of what I do.  Sure, it is a day of honor.  Sure, motherhood is worth celebrating.  But, there is something about the women left sitting that absolutely breaks. my. heart.  And, if you look at some standing, you see it there too. 

Pain.  Silent pain.
Stories mostly untold.

The woman who has been trying to conceive for a long time
The woman silently carrying an unexpected child
The barren woman
The woman forced to give up children
The woman needing brokenness healed between children
The woman with children missing
The post abortive woman
The woman grieving child gone too soon
The woman pondering the life she once carried and gave to another to raise
The woman struggling to raise children alone
The woman whose children have gone astray
The woman who recently miscarried
The woman struggling through infertility


Part of the wonder of motherhood is you never, ever forget a child that was entrusted to you, no matter how long.... even if it was only in a dream.

I'm sorry if this moment hurts you, as it does me.
I can't stop this moment from happening.
But I certainly can encourage you with the Truth.

You see, as a follower of Christ, we ALL have children.  I am the daughter of many women who never chose to carry or raise me.... but they tend to my Spirit regularly.  I have many daughters in Christ.  Some that I've carried within, others that I have not.  All are daughters, all are worthy of honoring, blessing.

So women, followers of Christ, friends.....

....stand up!
 
Embrace that YOU are a mother if you are a woman in Christ.
God has given you sons and daughters in His family.
STAND UP.
Let God begin to fully redeem your past.
Permit yourself to be honored.
Be blessed.
Be healed.

And know..... you are not alone.
If these eyes have seen you.... how much more has the Lord.

Uncovering the lies behind the new nursing norm....

This topic will likely surface some emotion.... it's sensitive. 

But sensitive topics are real, and sometimes really need attention.

I recently listened to several young women discussing the increasingly popular trend of nursing uncovered in public....  Great conversations were had by this group of young moms and moms-to-be.  There were those who followed Jesus, those who did not, those who nursed uncovered, those who didn't..... all equally torn and passionate about this sensitive topic.  Then it was finally said:  " I wonder what Jesus would think if He were here, and what He'd want us all to do?" 

I offered my perspective as did other experienced nursing mothers. 

Eyes were opened, scales removed, lies left behind.  A beautiful thing.

I hope that happens today.

Whether you follow Jesus or not, I believe there is at least one gem to find the in this post for you.  I hope when you find the nugget that was intended just for you, that you would take hold of it... even if it's a little sharp and stings at first. 

I believe we can follow Jesus in ALL areas of life.... even when feeding our infants.  Yes, even then.  Although Jesus never fed an infant, I believe his invitation to follow Him still applies to us then.  After all, Jesus never said:  "Come follow me... exception given to hormone imbalanced nursing mothers".

Yet, somehow many of us have bought that lie... at least once. 
Others of us are camping out there. 

Nursing uncovered in public. It is the increasingly new trend of nursing children without any covering in public places.  Often times, it is preceded by posting success photos on social networks for the whole world to see.

Recently while out to eat, two nursing mother friends were nursing uncovered in the booth next to me.... their conversation early in the meal was all about a preteen daughter posting inappropriate pictures of herself online, and the mother was completely overwhelmed about how it came to be and what she could do about it.  Following their meal and conversation, the moms debated about which nip (nursing in public) pictures to post of themselves, and on which forums/groups.

Hmmm... I wonder where that preteen daughter has learned it.....

Beneficial to the child, harmless, no consequences?   I bet you'll think differently when little Emmy's body begins to change or when little Jonny's grows up and his big boy friends find photos of mommy and him online and they go viral...

Viral in his entire teenage world anyway.

Side note, so you think you've been posting them only in private and closed groups.... try again--score a few likes from other mutual friends, and BAM..... larger-than-life you now appear on my wall too, in full postpartum glory.

I understand we have the "right" to do this as a women living in America today.  I see exactly how these trends come to be.  We all realize this.  To be honest, in our ever increasingly unhealthy hyper sexualized world,  I expect a constant increase in self centered behavior based on self-liberation.... it is the times in which we live. 

However, some of these terrible freedoms have also come at a terrible cost.  And the cost has been great....   Just look around, I bet your Facebook newsfeed has several examples of how "good" things were when we "used to"_________ .  Insert whatever common sense behavior you'd like, there is something WHOLE  and right and good about it.  We've now somehow regressed to taking third world pictures of half dressed Amazonian women in war paint holding machetes and use them as the American nursing in public meme models... pride.. power...self..... liberty.

Yet, in the quest of liberty... I see slaves.

Slaves to rebellion.... it comes at a cost too.  The need to justify behavior.  The need to vomit emotionally to everyone in hopes that one person defends their self seeking cause.  A constant itch that needs scratched.  Anger towards others.  Restlessness.

.....all in the name of what is natural... what is best for the child.... choice.... freedom.

Freedom, terrible freedom...... producing self induced slaves.

Freedom doesn't feel like that, friend.

It doesn't wear the face of anger or justification.

It feels right.... for everyone.

That said, I wish to offer a huge challenge to present and future nursing moms who have decided to follow Jesus a little deeper.  Those who have decided to give Him their all, who are ready to release to Him even the smallest area that they are doing life for themselves instead of for Him.

Topics like these are so sensitive. 

I believe largely it's because it is something God designed to be sacred and intimate, and we are so far from that.  Because we've bought the lie the enemy has fed us..... It makes perfect sense to me.  Why not tempt the mother who lays everything else down for the needs of her family with doing something to liberate herself?  Why not place blinders on to see only the moment of infant child and not growing child?  Why not wave the illusion of control during the season of learning to surrendering control a little deeper?  Self.  Anger.  Justification.  It's all vomit from the same enemy.  He's vomiting lies, and we're devouring them as a nation.... and using a third world machete woman as our mascot.

My I gently encourage you to ponder these thoughts:

While nursing uncovered, am I serving myself and my desires or serving those around me? 
Is my desire to nurse uncovered mostly selfish or selfless? 
Today, how can I die to self more so that He can be best honored in and through me? 
Am I following Jesus, or the crowd on this one?
Could my own rights and freedom have me held captive as a slave?


I have a dear friend who is nursing a child with special needs.  He does not tolerate his body being covered.... I respect this friend for searching and trying to find certain fabrics that he would tolerate so she could make small custom privacy cloths to cover herself.  In addition, she wore certain underclothing that allowed her to remain covered sans blankets.  If there is anyone I have ever known who could have justified exposing herself for the benefit of her baby, it was her.... but she chose to follow Jesus and serve those around her instead.  It is beautiful... friend, I respect you for clothing yourself in compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.

While feeding her baby in public and keeping herself covered, she was following Jesus.  She was silently serving the sexually unhealthy around her by minimizing unhealthy urges or hurts, she was helping the post abortive, cancer surviving, or grieving women around her to be more comfortable in her own silent pain.  She was helping present and future marriages all around her community by not impressing visual images of taken women into the minds of men that cannot ever erase them, and she was showing the teenagers in the room that there is something sacred and intimate about not only the bond between husband and wife, but mother and infant child as well.  She was loving her neighbor more than herself, and taking the time to consider the interests of those around her ahead of her own. 

She was following Jesus.

Not because she was following the rules perfectly.

Not because she was better than anyone else in the room.

But because she followed Jesus into that room.

Because she cared about the condition of the hearts of those around her, just as Jesus does.

And because she knew His ways are better than her own.... rich in modesty and grace.

We live in a world that embraces the list of reasons and rights that are continually thrown in front of us justifying why we should live for ourselves.  The truth is, women, we do not know what is like to be a teenage boy with a testosterone super highway being built within us.... or what it means to fight the battlefield within the visual mind of men.  We may not be sexually unhealthy, post abortive, or live with the real scars of female cancer, or be in the midst or wake of the loss of a child.  But friends, that doesn't mean we can ignore that they make up a VERY large percent of our public community.  I believe following Jesus means we deny ourselves and follow Jesus instead of the newest self righteous trend.

Following Jesus isn't just about bringing Him glory, but it's also for our own good.

He knows the hearts of all.

He understands the pain of all.

He sees the scars of all... hidden or visible.

And He laid is life down for every last one of us.

When we follow Jesus, he's asking us to do this too.... to lay our self down for them as well.

Jesus came to teach us it is about our heart condition.... not to give us a list of rules.  A list of should's and should not's is not what we need, nor my goal with this.

My goal is to gently encourage you to examine your own heart when given the moment to serve self or others and weigh out a few thoughts...."Am I being selfless or selfish.... am I serving and loving my neighbors.... am I following Jesus or the crowd....or am I feeding the never, ever satisfied pit of pride, power, and self."  .....am I buying a lie, that is affecting others around me?

Only you know.



I think it's best you talk to God on your own this time.

This time, I'll leave you with the same question of my new friend..... 
" I wonder what Jesus would think if He were here, and what He'd want us all to do."

Talk it over with Him.