Ever notice how much our kids talk so much about being good..... Jesus wants me to be good. He was good today. The bible says that we need to do good things for people. Jesus, help me to be good boy today, Amen. And then there is always that one kid, that just isn't very good, or doesn't look very good..... I find this fascinating....
What I really am hearing is an incredible emphasis of the expectation of goodness in their itty bitty selves. Basically they think that the kids that look good and do good, are doing things God's way. I think this speaks volumes into the expectations they feel about performing in this life, and what we are likely living out ourselves. They know exactly what our main objectives for them in life are, even if we haven't told them directly. Indirectly, they learn our expectations by what we choose to discipline them for, praise them about, and expect of them.... even if it has never "officially" been established.
So what is it that we desire of them? Our kids already have it figured out.... time for us to think on it for a bit. The truth is, many of us haven't spent enough (or any) time figuring out how to follow Jesus here for ourselves, much less for the little ones we've been entrusted to help navigate. Let me help you with the basics, I think it's safe to say these likely make the list (like it or not) of what we hope our children will be:
To be good.
To be kind.
To be honest.
To do good things.
To be respectful.
To love others.
To be responsible.
To be a nice sibling.
To look presentable.
To not whine or complain.
... and the believer would add:
To be saved.
The list could go on and on, but you get the point. All of these are good things to teach children. But, the result is not a dependency on God, but on self. I am convinced that a large part of the self destruction trend among teens today is the result of pressure to be something unattainable... and where there isn't self destruction, there is often an overabulndance of self righteousness. Now look back at that list,--------reread it, really-------- now tell me....... without the help of Christ, honestly when was the last time you were all of that in a day? Humbling.
(Most of you are rereading it now instead.... it's okay, you're helping make my point.)
A follower of Jesus is more than just morally good... and has more than just morally good expectations for their children. I'm not saying that the list needs to grow and add more pressures, I'm saying that the Jesus I know, came to blow lists like these completely out of the water. He came because we had proven that on our own we could NOT be good enough. He came to say enough lists and pressures, it's all about Me. The truth is that is freaks us out to think about what following Jesus as a parent looks like, so we've just jumped on the moral bandwagon that everyone else is riding on..... many of us without even knowing it. My question is: How's it working for you? It's not, because we can't mold goodness into something God desires to be broken for Him to use. It comes by grace alone, none of us are strong enough to remain good on our own.
We want to believe man to be mostly good, so we have no need for God. But the bible teaches there is no good found in sinful man without Christ's offer of grace, so we have a tremendous need for Him. Let's change the compass of our expectations from following morality, to following Jesus, and focus more every day on our reliance on Him for goodness than our unattainable expectations of goodness..... For us, and our children.
Heavenly Father,
Forgive us where we have followed the compass pointing anywhere but you. Empower us to teach the children you have entrusted to us in a new way, seasoned by grace and rich in love. Help us to remind ourselves of who we are in You, so that our children may know who they can be in You as well. Thank you father, that in You I am complete and lacking nothing, because I know full well on my own that I am simply nothing and incomplete. Release our children from any chains of bondage that our unattainable expectations have held them captive in, and create in our homes a new tone of goodness centered around You.
In the good name of Jesus I pray,
Amen
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