I Am a Girl Living in a Transgender World....

When you were born, someone was there.  At the very least your mother, perhaps your father or other family, and likely a doctor, nurse, or midwife.  Whether your sex was known in advance or not, something happened within the first few moments of your life.... it began with visual confirmation, and then a spoken proclamation.

It's a boy!
It's a girl!

Most likely before you ever heard your name, you heard the proclamation of your very being.  Your gender.  Your very being spoken over you, as you breathed your first breaths.


I recently received a baby shower invitation for a new mom whom I love.

It had a notation in the corner that stated it was not a gender neutral shower.  This caught my attention why she added it, as the invitation itself obviously was gender specific.  When I inquired with my young mama friend, and she opened my eyes to the increasing trend her amongst her friends baby showers.

Gender neutral showers.....

In my day this meant you didn't know if it was a boy or a girl... it meant yellow.
Today this means that you may feel free to being either a boy or a girl gift.... it means blue and pink.
It doesn't stop at showers and stuff.
Gender neutral child rearing is also quickly on the rise.

Despite the gender of the child, he or she may choose to wear, or be in some cases, whatever gender he or she desires to be that day or moment.  Pronouns and even names are adjusted as the child requests.  Ultimately, the child chooses his/her gender identity.  True sex is often concealed from everyone except the parents.... and God.  I take great comfort in the latter, despite our parental mess ups-God always knows. 

(Critics, please know my focus is not on boys playing with dolls, or girls pushing trucks... my kids play with both, so refrain from negative or abusive posts!)

In fact, as a child I grew up as the tomboy of our family. 

I was the middle of 5 daughters who all were blessed with talents and skills that put my feminine side to shame.  Their musical talents, crafting skill, curvy handwriting, shapely bodies, gracefulness and loveliness, and shopping abilities seemed to intensify any insecurities I had about having been born a female.  Oh, and I rocked dress wearing something fierce..........
 

I was an awkward boy shaped girl who seldom used a mirror, found her home in the wood shop, or on the ball court, and hung out in pick up trucks with burping, cussing, tobacco chewing shmucks.... I didn't use a fitting room until my mid 20's, and I thought a good haircut was pulling my own hair into a pony tail and slicing a scissor across the uneven tips.  I blew up the first motorcycle I rode, and I wore a Pennzoil ballcap to cover up the mess my "melon bucket" made of my hair as I drove my snowmobile to the courses I took with mostly guys at the tech college.  I didn't receive or extend grace to hardly anyone, and I certainly wasn't loving.... let alone lovely.

I understand what it is like to not easily fit into the girl mold.
I understand what it is like to loathe drama and emotion.
I understand what it is like to totally resent submission.
I understand what it is like to have mostly guy friends.
I understand what it is like to see woman as weak.
I understand what it is like to think being a boy was more fun.
I understand what it is like to wish I was a guy.


Fortunately a guy came along who saw something good in me and made me his wife.  A few years later I left my mostly male career to begin staying at home as a mother.

Now with an even more awkward shape, and an even slimmer wardrobe because of it, I began to enter a mostly female world.  That of the perpetually-at-work-at-home-mom..... full of postpartum emotion.  I started attending groups with all women, and having play dates with other moms, and the insecurities I has stuffed away as a young child soared to all new heights.  I was sure to never measure up.  I was good at my career in the mechanical world, and I could navigate the male world with ease, confidence, and comfort..... but now I found myself mostly paralyzed by fear, discomfort, and insecurity only enhanced by the detail searching eyes of all the other women who were so comfortable around one another, and so "good" at being women.  And on top of that, I was now mom to the most tender hearted, delicate, and compassionate little girls I have ever known..... insecurity overload.

I began to journey with God to find some Truth that could set my captive insecure heart free.  I was a prisoner under my own skin.  It was when I realized what I didn't understand that I began to let His Truth fill in the gaps that I began to feel more comfortable in my own skin.

I didn't understand that I could be fully myself and be fully woman too.
I didn't understand that there was a plan for my life as a woman from the beginning of time.
I didn't understand that I was doubting God's gender for me, I was doubting His perfect plan.
I didn't understand the protection and beauty of mutual submission.
I didn't understand that our very gender is an expression of God himself.
I didn't understand that I became my own god when I thought I knew better.
I didn't understand that I was normal much less beautiful.

Hitting home with any of you???  It's okay if you struggle with any of these things..... really, it is.  I'd love to know more about your story, I'd love to pray for you.

What gender do you call yourself?  Is it the same as the very first thing that breathed over you?  The same as what the God of the universe spoke over you before your own parents and grandparent had even met?  Why or why not? 

The world is an increasingly confusing place for children and young adults.

Facebook now has over 50 different "genders" that we can select for our online profiles.  This reveals how many more people today are struggling with the very real temptation to create their own identity instead of embrace their God given one.  In the beginning.... He created them male and female.  Today, we are still male and female.  God has known your gender since the beginning of time, despite what your profile says.  It was spoken over you before anything else, both on earth and in heaven.  In the still of the night you know this to be True, your body is a part of His story and design, and He never makes mistakes.  Your scars may have shaped you, but they can never define you.

The world now knows the story of beautiful Ryland.  Her parents choose to share her embryonic story with the world online.  A story of a girl who was much like me, and you can believe that it pulled my heartstrings.  At age five, my kids thought they were rodeo clowns, ninjas, and batman.,.. my brother took on the identity of ninja turtle characters at this age.  But they were all still boys and girls at the end of the day.  Here's the thing, Ryland..... no one ever told me that because I felt more like a boy, that that made me a boy.  Thankgoodness.

Because I am not.

I am a girl living in a broken transgender world.
Full of people who think they know better for themselves than Almighty God.
I know, because I was one.

Until the day I decided to follow Jesus in this area of my life, and decided to trust and embrace Truth over my own insecurities.

I began to realize that God made me a torque loving, ballcap wearing, accelerator pressing, dirt loving, comfy clothes wearing, simple hair doing, capital letter writing, blueprint making, mechanical invention contemplating, complexly beautiful unique girl.  And with His help, I have learned how to be a woman who has some traditionally feminine characteristics too.... hospitality, teaching, loving others, gardening, graciousness, giving, mentoring, cooking, organization, and even compassion are now also, only by His grace, a huge part of who I am. 

He has shown me that the less I try to be someone else, and the more I embrace the design He has for my life alone, the better I am at being a what He created me to be..... 

A woman...... created for His glory, and my own good.