Truth, Grace, & Sexual Sin

Wow.

I'm completely overwhelmed by the amount of readers that touched my last post on gender.  I'm humbled by your honesty, and quite frankly, grateful that you all didn't leave me hanging on such a hard topic to touch with written words.  A new season is nearing, and I am pressing on to finish the work of this season.....  Work I'd still rather do face to face instead of screen to screen. 

We are all equal at the foot of the cross.  This is the place I write you from again today.  Seeing my own sin, my own struggles, and trusting that in my own weakness, He is strong.

Our sin affects our world.

It destroys.
It separates.
It is self seeking.
It has consequences.
It hurts those around us.
It is terrible for our soul.

Most of us have struggled with being angry at some point in our lives.

Be it full blown rage or just mild irritation, we've succumb to the temptation that when we are upset by something we should take our anger out on another, or at the very least we've wallpapered our minds in angry thoughts and schemes.  Truth is, often times as we give way to sin in that moment, we feel good.  It is a release.  Whatever was out of our control in our life we, if only for a brief moment, felt a little more in control.  But it is fleeting, temporary.  Only God is in control, we are not. 

Truth is anger doesn't make us any more in control of our own little worlds. 

It is an illusion.  It is sin.  It destroys, separates, is self seeking, has consequences, hurts those around us, and is terrible for our soul.  It is sin.  And the world is a worse place because of it.  Not because I said so, but because God said so.  Anger, hate, bullying... they are all a perversion of the passion God designed in us to use to worship Him.

We all can agree on that.  It's wrong.  It's sin.
A world without anger, hate, and bullying would be better.

But often we struggle to see other sins the same way.

Like casual sex.
Like pornography.
Like homosexuality.


Most of the world is struggling with a sexual sin of some kind today. 

Casual sex, pornography, homosexuality, and lusts of all kinds no longer need to be sought out, they are a huge part of today's world.  Be it a full blown lifestyle or just passing thoughts, we've bit into the temptation and engaged in sexual sin with another, or at the very least wallpapered our minds with it.  And, just like anger, when we give way to lustful sin in the moment, we feel good.  It is a release.  Whatever void for love and acceptance we had, if only for a brief moment, felt a little fuller.  But it is fleeting, temporary.  Only God can fully fill that love void, another person cannot. 

Truth is that twisted sexuality doesn't make us any more loved or more accepted. 

It is an illusion.  It is sin.  It destroys, separates, is self seeking, has consequences, hurts those around us, and is terrible for our soul.  Sin....  and just like anger, the world is a worse place because of it.  Not because I said so, but because God said so.  Homosexuality, pornography, casual sex, lust are all a perversion of the beautiful sexuality God designed in us.

Just like anger, hate, bullying.....yet,
Yet, unlike anger we cannot all agree on one thing:
That a world without homosexuality, lust, casual sex, and pornography could actually be better.

Maybe this is you. 
Chances are good it is many of us. 
We live in a broken world.


We all know that homosexuality is a sin.
We all know that pornography is a sin.
We all know that casual sex is a sin.
We all know that _______ is a sin.

But not very many of us know what to do with that.


 
Beautiful one desiring to follow Jesus and struggling with sexual sin.....
I ask you to think hard on this.... The God of the universe has written His word not just to us, but for us.  For our good, and for His glory.  Could it be possible that the very God who created you might actually know what is best for you?  Could it be possible that He took the time to leave us with far more than just a list of do's and don'ts... that he left us with practical timeless directions on how to navigate this broken world best, as full and whole as possible?  Could it be possible God knows the why and why not's that we were never meant to understand..... that Almighty God might actually know exactly what lies ahead on those paths of sexual sin and how they will destroy us, and out of perfect love He's trying to protect us when He tells us about sin?

Young ones navigating this sexually broken world....
You are not gay because of something that has happened to you.  You are not a pervert if pornography has it's grasp on you.  You are not stuck in a lifetime of casual sex because of your past, including yesterday.  You are not gay if something you have seen on a screen caused a response that you did not expect.  You ARE a young one navigating a sexually broken world who may need help, healing, or accountability.  Do NOT let that define you.  I'm here if you need to talk.

Parents with struggling children, and children with struggling parents.......
When you talk about this, above all else, try to remember that more than likely no one on this earth wants what is best for you more that these people, even when they have a hard time showing it.  Err on the side of grace, but never ever abandon the truth.  You have my prayers today.

Church, dear church......
Could we be the place and the people who could possibly say.... It's okay that you struggle, really it is.  I, myself, after all I am not choosing a lifestyle of anger, but one of grace and mercy.  Yet, when the temptation to become angry becomes a reality, you are who I turn to for prayer, accountability, and hope.  Might we do the same when the temptation of pornography, homosexuality, casual sex, becomes real in the life of one of us desiring to follow Jesus too?  Are you ever temped in the things you put off to follow Jesus?  I know I am.  How would sexual sin be any different?


Above all else, there is one thing I am confident of......  His ABSOLUTE truth is never far from His ABSOLUTE grace.  He never intended one to leave the other.  We need truth.  We need grace.  Only in Jesus do we find both.

I Am a Girl Living in a Transgender World....

When you were born, someone was there.  At the very least your mother, perhaps your father or other family, and likely a doctor, nurse, or midwife.  Whether your sex was known in advance or not, something happened within the first few moments of your life.... it began with visual confirmation, and then a spoken proclamation.

It's a boy!
It's a girl!

Most likely before you ever heard your name, you heard the proclamation of your very being.  Your gender.  Your very being spoken over you, as you breathed your first breaths.


I recently received a baby shower invitation for a new mom whom I love.

It had a notation in the corner that stated it was not a gender neutral shower.  This caught my attention why she added it, as the invitation itself obviously was gender specific.  When I inquired with my young mama friend, and she opened my eyes to the increasing trend her amongst her friends baby showers.

Gender neutral showers.....

In my day this meant you didn't know if it was a boy or a girl... it meant yellow.
Today this means that you may feel free to being either a boy or a girl gift.... it means blue and pink.
It doesn't stop at showers and stuff.
Gender neutral child rearing is also quickly on the rise.

Despite the gender of the child, he or she may choose to wear, or be in some cases, whatever gender he or she desires to be that day or moment.  Pronouns and even names are adjusted as the child requests.  Ultimately, the child chooses his/her gender identity.  True sex is often concealed from everyone except the parents.... and God.  I take great comfort in the latter, despite our parental mess ups-God always knows. 

(Critics, please know my focus is not on boys playing with dolls, or girls pushing trucks... my kids play with both, so refrain from negative or abusive posts!)

In fact, as a child I grew up as the tomboy of our family. 

I was the middle of 5 daughters who all were blessed with talents and skills that put my feminine side to shame.  Their musical talents, crafting skill, curvy handwriting, shapely bodies, gracefulness and loveliness, and shopping abilities seemed to intensify any insecurities I had about having been born a female.  Oh, and I rocked dress wearing something fierce..........
 

I was an awkward boy shaped girl who seldom used a mirror, found her home in the wood shop, or on the ball court, and hung out in pick up trucks with burping, cussing, tobacco chewing shmucks.... I didn't use a fitting room until my mid 20's, and I thought a good haircut was pulling my own hair into a pony tail and slicing a scissor across the uneven tips.  I blew up the first motorcycle I rode, and I wore a Pennzoil ballcap to cover up the mess my "melon bucket" made of my hair as I drove my snowmobile to the courses I took with mostly guys at the tech college.  I didn't receive or extend grace to hardly anyone, and I certainly wasn't loving.... let alone lovely.

I understand what it is like to not easily fit into the girl mold.
I understand what it is like to loathe drama and emotion.
I understand what it is like to totally resent submission.
I understand what it is like to have mostly guy friends.
I understand what it is like to see woman as weak.
I understand what it is like to think being a boy was more fun.
I understand what it is like to wish I was a guy.


Fortunately a guy came along who saw something good in me and made me his wife.  A few years later I left my mostly male career to begin staying at home as a mother.

Now with an even more awkward shape, and an even slimmer wardrobe because of it, I began to enter a mostly female world.  That of the perpetually-at-work-at-home-mom..... full of postpartum emotion.  I started attending groups with all women, and having play dates with other moms, and the insecurities I has stuffed away as a young child soared to all new heights.  I was sure to never measure up.  I was good at my career in the mechanical world, and I could navigate the male world with ease, confidence, and comfort..... but now I found myself mostly paralyzed by fear, discomfort, and insecurity only enhanced by the detail searching eyes of all the other women who were so comfortable around one another, and so "good" at being women.  And on top of that, I was now mom to the most tender hearted, delicate, and compassionate little girls I have ever known..... insecurity overload.

I began to journey with God to find some Truth that could set my captive insecure heart free.  I was a prisoner under my own skin.  It was when I realized what I didn't understand that I began to let His Truth fill in the gaps that I began to feel more comfortable in my own skin.

I didn't understand that I could be fully myself and be fully woman too.
I didn't understand that there was a plan for my life as a woman from the beginning of time.
I didn't understand that I was doubting God's gender for me, I was doubting His perfect plan.
I didn't understand the protection and beauty of mutual submission.
I didn't understand that our very gender is an expression of God himself.
I didn't understand that I became my own god when I thought I knew better.
I didn't understand that I was normal much less beautiful.

Hitting home with any of you???  It's okay if you struggle with any of these things..... really, it is.  I'd love to know more about your story, I'd love to pray for you.

What gender do you call yourself?  Is it the same as the very first thing that breathed over you?  The same as what the God of the universe spoke over you before your own parents and grandparent had even met?  Why or why not? 

The world is an increasingly confusing place for children and young adults.

Facebook now has over 50 different "genders" that we can select for our online profiles.  This reveals how many more people today are struggling with the very real temptation to create their own identity instead of embrace their God given one.  In the beginning.... He created them male and female.  Today, we are still male and female.  God has known your gender since the beginning of time, despite what your profile says.  It was spoken over you before anything else, both on earth and in heaven.  In the still of the night you know this to be True, your body is a part of His story and design, and He never makes mistakes.  Your scars may have shaped you, but they can never define you.

The world now knows the story of beautiful Ryland.  Her parents choose to share her embryonic story with the world online.  A story of a girl who was much like me, and you can believe that it pulled my heartstrings.  At age five, my kids thought they were rodeo clowns, ninjas, and batman.,.. my brother took on the identity of ninja turtle characters at this age.  But they were all still boys and girls at the end of the day.  Here's the thing, Ryland..... no one ever told me that because I felt more like a boy, that that made me a boy.  Thankgoodness.

Because I am not.

I am a girl living in a broken transgender world.
Full of people who think they know better for themselves than Almighty God.
I know, because I was one.

Until the day I decided to follow Jesus in this area of my life, and decided to trust and embrace Truth over my own insecurities.

I began to realize that God made me a torque loving, ballcap wearing, accelerator pressing, dirt loving, comfy clothes wearing, simple hair doing, capital letter writing, blueprint making, mechanical invention contemplating, complexly beautiful unique girl.  And with His help, I have learned how to be a woman who has some traditionally feminine characteristics too.... hospitality, teaching, loving others, gardening, graciousness, giving, mentoring, cooking, organization, and even compassion are now also, only by His grace, a huge part of who I am. 

He has shown me that the less I try to be someone else, and the more I embrace the design He has for my life alone, the better I am at being a what He created me to be..... 

A woman...... created for His glory, and my own good.

Hope for The Fatherless Generation

Father's Day. 

I've already lost some of you. 
Actually, I've already lost most of you. 
The Fatherless Generation....... most of us.


STAY WITH ME.

Which means more Father's Day cards will be delivered by mail than by hand, or not at all.
Which means dads who didn't even know they were dads until it was too late will grieve.
Which means more children and fathers will be remembered rather than embraced this day.
Which means a great deal for the America we live in today.

STAY WITH ME.

I've learned a lot watching my husband father our children.

I've learned that men are created with an innate need to provide well for their families.
I've learned that it is God's plan for fathers to protect their children.
I've learned that our home runs best when I let my husband lead our family.
I've learned that a father's sense of responsibility and work ethic is noted by his children.
I've learned that dads need respect as much as moms need love.
I've learned that dads impact children with a greater sense of authority, courage, and integrity.
I've learned husbands are designed to depict Christ to the world is so many ways.

While I'm thankful and grateful for a husband who has been this model for our children, I had to learn to let go of the pain I was carrying from my own abandonment as a child in order to appreciate it.

So, I can relate to what some of you are thinking:

But my dad didn't......
But I never was given the chance to.....
If only she would have let me.....
If only he could have....
Boy, do I fall short....

You know by now, I'm not leaving you on a heavy note without hope.

SO STAY WITH ME.

Truth is..... it's still can be hard for me, too.

Which is the only reason I feel I can even come close to touching this.
I've been thinking about this for several years now.
And I'm watching it unfold before me.

The Fatherless Generation.

A generation largely....
Void of provision.
Void of protection.
Void of leadership.
Void of responsibility.
Void of work ethic.
Void of respect.
Void of authority.
Void of courage.
Void of integrity.
Void of Christ.

America.

Humbling, isn't it.
The Fatherless Generation.

This picture made me really think.
It made me think about what I made my own absent father look like.
What would your earthly father look like?

Loving and caring,
generous and selfless,
serving and strong,
providing and integral,
present and courageous,

or perhaps....

Absent or distant,
selfish or weak,
lazy or irresponsible,
disengaged or unconcerned,
lying or cheating,
harsh or angry.

There is also one more thing I have learned.
Often, our picture of our earthly father resembles our picture of our Heavenly Father too.

You see, that is where I went wrong.

I began to sketch out my own God out of my own circumstances. 
Not intentionally, but indirectly it happened over time. 
I sketched out a God that did not reflect my Heavenly Father at all.
And it is happening in homes all across America today.

Thankfully, I couldn't have been more wrong.

While my earthly father remained distant and removed,
I had a Heavenly Father who never, ever left my side. 
While my earthly father was disengaged and unconcerned,
I had a Heavenly Father who knew and cared about every single detail of my life.

Kids can live without dads.
Dads can live without kids.
But an entire nation with a wrong impression of who God is.... will tear itself apart.
We are watching it happen.
It is the one thing regardless of political party, religion, or race we can agree on these days.
Our nation is in need of transformation.

I can't help to feel that the crisis of integrity, leadership, and even economics that we find ourselves in doesn't somehow relate to the fact that millions of men either stepped away from or were denied the ability to do the very things they were designed to do:  provide, protect, lead, instill a sense of responsibility and work ethic, be respected, teach the virtues of authority, courage, integrity..... we're missing our image bearers of Christ, and are afraid of (or avoiding meeting) a God that is really not at all Who we've drawn Him up to be.

Sure, there are many other things that have played their part.  But really, how can the vast void of all of this, and the creation of so many unapproachable or vacant gods have not affected us.

I know guys struggle with what to do when they feel like a failure.
But, I also know that they are also designed with an desire to want to fix things.
Like fixing most things, we need to start with the only thing we can change... ourselves.

I don't know your story, but I know God can redeem all brokenness.
Your mess is not to big for Him, if you take it to Him.
Jesus is in the business of transforming lives, and we need transformation.
Only He can take things intended for evil, and turning it into something good.
No matter how you've drawn Him up, God wants to reveal the Truth of who He is.
Let Him begin to redeem your story.
Seize and prioritize opportunities to engage as a father.
Learn about what God wants a father to do and be, and become that.
There are always ways to tell your children you love them, you'll find a way if your looking.

(A special note to all the fathers of aborted children.  Abortion counsel is not just for women.  Men, many times the void of all that you were intended to be grows and intensifies with time.  Don't ignore it.  There are a rising number of both young and older men now seeking help to heal.  Help is available, seek it out.  If you had no say, or found out after the abortion.... my heart goes out to you.  Know that I have paused to pray for you all to find the courage to find someone that you can trust with your story.  Our nation needs you to heal, too.  You make up a big part of us.)

We are at the place in history, where every man who follows Christ could have dozens fatherless children and several fathers that he is sharing Truth with... and still there would be more.  But God's plan for discipleship only starts with one.  Who is that in your life?  Go find them, they seldom are brought to you.  Who will look back one day and thank you for being there for them?

Biological fathers taking every chance to be present and engaged.....  well done.
Fathers raising children that mothers have walked away from.... well done.
Fathers raising children that do not share your blood.....  well done.
Fathers walking alongside other fathers in Truth..... well done.
Fathers speaking into lives of the fatherless...  well done.
Fathers deciding to turn it around..... well done.
You are helping heal this nation.
One life at a time.

It is so much deeper than just your home, guys.
Fathers, we need you..... all of you, desperately.
Reconcile with as many family members as you can.
Step up to be what you were created to be.
Teach them what God designed you to do best.

Provide, protect, lead, display responsibility and good work ethic, be worthy of respect, teach the virtues of authority, courage, integrity..... be an image bearer of Christ to our needy world.

There a billions of stories out there yet to be told.
Each one is as unique as each man is. 
Share yours with someone.
Listen to someone else's.
Begin to heal a nation.
In your home.