Truth, Grace, & Sexual Sin

Wow.

I'm completely overwhelmed by the amount of readers that touched my last post on gender.  I'm humbled by your honesty, and quite frankly, grateful that you all didn't leave me hanging on such a hard topic to touch with written words.  A new season is nearing, and I am pressing on to finish the work of this season.....  Work I'd still rather do face to face instead of screen to screen. 

We are all equal at the foot of the cross.  This is the place I write you from again today.  Seeing my own sin, my own struggles, and trusting that in my own weakness, He is strong.

Our sin affects our world.

It destroys.
It separates.
It is self seeking.
It has consequences.
It hurts those around us.
It is terrible for our soul.

Most of us have struggled with being angry at some point in our lives.

Be it full blown rage or just mild irritation, we've succumb to the temptation that when we are upset by something we should take our anger out on another, or at the very least we've wallpapered our minds in angry thoughts and schemes.  Truth is, often times as we give way to sin in that moment, we feel good.  It is a release.  Whatever was out of our control in our life we, if only for a brief moment, felt a little more in control.  But it is fleeting, temporary.  Only God is in control, we are not. 

Truth is anger doesn't make us any more in control of our own little worlds. 

It is an illusion.  It is sin.  It destroys, separates, is self seeking, has consequences, hurts those around us, and is terrible for our soul.  It is sin.  And the world is a worse place because of it.  Not because I said so, but because God said so.  Anger, hate, bullying... they are all a perversion of the passion God designed in us to use to worship Him.

We all can agree on that.  It's wrong.  It's sin.
A world without anger, hate, and bullying would be better.

But often we struggle to see other sins the same way.

Like casual sex.
Like pornography.
Like homosexuality.


Most of the world is struggling with a sexual sin of some kind today. 

Casual sex, pornography, homosexuality, and lusts of all kinds no longer need to be sought out, they are a huge part of today's world.  Be it a full blown lifestyle or just passing thoughts, we've bit into the temptation and engaged in sexual sin with another, or at the very least wallpapered our minds with it.  And, just like anger, when we give way to lustful sin in the moment, we feel good.  It is a release.  Whatever void for love and acceptance we had, if only for a brief moment, felt a little fuller.  But it is fleeting, temporary.  Only God can fully fill that love void, another person cannot. 

Truth is that twisted sexuality doesn't make us any more loved or more accepted. 

It is an illusion.  It is sin.  It destroys, separates, is self seeking, has consequences, hurts those around us, and is terrible for our soul.  Sin....  and just like anger, the world is a worse place because of it.  Not because I said so, but because God said so.  Homosexuality, pornography, casual sex, lust are all a perversion of the beautiful sexuality God designed in us.

Just like anger, hate, bullying.....yet,
Yet, unlike anger we cannot all agree on one thing:
That a world without homosexuality, lust, casual sex, and pornography could actually be better.

Maybe this is you. 
Chances are good it is many of us. 
We live in a broken world.


We all know that homosexuality is a sin.
We all know that pornography is a sin.
We all know that casual sex is a sin.
We all know that _______ is a sin.

But not very many of us know what to do with that.


 
Beautiful one desiring to follow Jesus and struggling with sexual sin.....
I ask you to think hard on this.... The God of the universe has written His word not just to us, but for us.  For our good, and for His glory.  Could it be possible that the very God who created you might actually know what is best for you?  Could it be possible that He took the time to leave us with far more than just a list of do's and don'ts... that he left us with practical timeless directions on how to navigate this broken world best, as full and whole as possible?  Could it be possible God knows the why and why not's that we were never meant to understand..... that Almighty God might actually know exactly what lies ahead on those paths of sexual sin and how they will destroy us, and out of perfect love He's trying to protect us when He tells us about sin?

Young ones navigating this sexually broken world....
You are not gay because of something that has happened to you.  You are not a pervert if pornography has it's grasp on you.  You are not stuck in a lifetime of casual sex because of your past, including yesterday.  You are not gay if something you have seen on a screen caused a response that you did not expect.  You ARE a young one navigating a sexually broken world who may need help, healing, or accountability.  Do NOT let that define you.  I'm here if you need to talk.

Parents with struggling children, and children with struggling parents.......
When you talk about this, above all else, try to remember that more than likely no one on this earth wants what is best for you more that these people, even when they have a hard time showing it.  Err on the side of grace, but never ever abandon the truth.  You have my prayers today.

Church, dear church......
Could we be the place and the people who could possibly say.... It's okay that you struggle, really it is.  I, myself, after all I am not choosing a lifestyle of anger, but one of grace and mercy.  Yet, when the temptation to become angry becomes a reality, you are who I turn to for prayer, accountability, and hope.  Might we do the same when the temptation of pornography, homosexuality, casual sex, becomes real in the life of one of us desiring to follow Jesus too?  Are you ever temped in the things you put off to follow Jesus?  I know I am.  How would sexual sin be any different?


Above all else, there is one thing I am confident of......  His ABSOLUTE truth is never far from His ABSOLUTE grace.  He never intended one to leave the other.  We need truth.  We need grace.  Only in Jesus do we find both.

I Am a Girl Living in a Transgender World....

When you were born, someone was there.  At the very least your mother, perhaps your father or other family, and likely a doctor, nurse, or midwife.  Whether your sex was known in advance or not, something happened within the first few moments of your life.... it began with visual confirmation, and then a spoken proclamation.

It's a boy!
It's a girl!

Most likely before you ever heard your name, you heard the proclamation of your very being.  Your gender.  Your very being spoken over you, as you breathed your first breaths.


I recently received a baby shower invitation for a new mom whom I love.

It had a notation in the corner that stated it was not a gender neutral shower.  This caught my attention why she added it, as the invitation itself obviously was gender specific.  When I inquired with my young mama friend, and she opened my eyes to the increasing trend her amongst her friends baby showers.

Gender neutral showers.....

In my day this meant you didn't know if it was a boy or a girl... it meant yellow.
Today this means that you may feel free to being either a boy or a girl gift.... it means blue and pink.
It doesn't stop at showers and stuff.
Gender neutral child rearing is also quickly on the rise.

Despite the gender of the child, he or she may choose to wear, or be in some cases, whatever gender he or she desires to be that day or moment.  Pronouns and even names are adjusted as the child requests.  Ultimately, the child chooses his/her gender identity.  True sex is often concealed from everyone except the parents.... and God.  I take great comfort in the latter, despite our parental mess ups-God always knows. 

(Critics, please know my focus is not on boys playing with dolls, or girls pushing trucks... my kids play with both, so refrain from negative or abusive posts!)

In fact, as a child I grew up as the tomboy of our family. 

I was the middle of 5 daughters who all were blessed with talents and skills that put my feminine side to shame.  Their musical talents, crafting skill, curvy handwriting, shapely bodies, gracefulness and loveliness, and shopping abilities seemed to intensify any insecurities I had about having been born a female.  Oh, and I rocked dress wearing something fierce..........
 

I was an awkward boy shaped girl who seldom used a mirror, found her home in the wood shop, or on the ball court, and hung out in pick up trucks with burping, cussing, tobacco chewing shmucks.... I didn't use a fitting room until my mid 20's, and I thought a good haircut was pulling my own hair into a pony tail and slicing a scissor across the uneven tips.  I blew up the first motorcycle I rode, and I wore a Pennzoil ballcap to cover up the mess my "melon bucket" made of my hair as I drove my snowmobile to the courses I took with mostly guys at the tech college.  I didn't receive or extend grace to hardly anyone, and I certainly wasn't loving.... let alone lovely.

I understand what it is like to not easily fit into the girl mold.
I understand what it is like to loathe drama and emotion.
I understand what it is like to totally resent submission.
I understand what it is like to have mostly guy friends.
I understand what it is like to see woman as weak.
I understand what it is like to think being a boy was more fun.
I understand what it is like to wish I was a guy.


Fortunately a guy came along who saw something good in me and made me his wife.  A few years later I left my mostly male career to begin staying at home as a mother.

Now with an even more awkward shape, and an even slimmer wardrobe because of it, I began to enter a mostly female world.  That of the perpetually-at-work-at-home-mom..... full of postpartum emotion.  I started attending groups with all women, and having play dates with other moms, and the insecurities I has stuffed away as a young child soared to all new heights.  I was sure to never measure up.  I was good at my career in the mechanical world, and I could navigate the male world with ease, confidence, and comfort..... but now I found myself mostly paralyzed by fear, discomfort, and insecurity only enhanced by the detail searching eyes of all the other women who were so comfortable around one another, and so "good" at being women.  And on top of that, I was now mom to the most tender hearted, delicate, and compassionate little girls I have ever known..... insecurity overload.

I began to journey with God to find some Truth that could set my captive insecure heart free.  I was a prisoner under my own skin.  It was when I realized what I didn't understand that I began to let His Truth fill in the gaps that I began to feel more comfortable in my own skin.

I didn't understand that I could be fully myself and be fully woman too.
I didn't understand that there was a plan for my life as a woman from the beginning of time.
I didn't understand that I was doubting God's gender for me, I was doubting His perfect plan.
I didn't understand the protection and beauty of mutual submission.
I didn't understand that our very gender is an expression of God himself.
I didn't understand that I became my own god when I thought I knew better.
I didn't understand that I was normal much less beautiful.

Hitting home with any of you???  It's okay if you struggle with any of these things..... really, it is.  I'd love to know more about your story, I'd love to pray for you.

What gender do you call yourself?  Is it the same as the very first thing that breathed over you?  The same as what the God of the universe spoke over you before your own parents and grandparent had even met?  Why or why not? 

The world is an increasingly confusing place for children and young adults.

Facebook now has over 50 different "genders" that we can select for our online profiles.  This reveals how many more people today are struggling with the very real temptation to create their own identity instead of embrace their God given one.  In the beginning.... He created them male and female.  Today, we are still male and female.  God has known your gender since the beginning of time, despite what your profile says.  It was spoken over you before anything else, both on earth and in heaven.  In the still of the night you know this to be True, your body is a part of His story and design, and He never makes mistakes.  Your scars may have shaped you, but they can never define you.

The world now knows the story of beautiful Ryland.  Her parents choose to share her embryonic story with the world online.  A story of a girl who was much like me, and you can believe that it pulled my heartstrings.  At age five, my kids thought they were rodeo clowns, ninjas, and batman.,.. my brother took on the identity of ninja turtle characters at this age.  But they were all still boys and girls at the end of the day.  Here's the thing, Ryland..... no one ever told me that because I felt more like a boy, that that made me a boy.  Thankgoodness.

Because I am not.

I am a girl living in a broken transgender world.
Full of people who think they know better for themselves than Almighty God.
I know, because I was one.

Until the day I decided to follow Jesus in this area of my life, and decided to trust and embrace Truth over my own insecurities.

I began to realize that God made me a torque loving, ballcap wearing, accelerator pressing, dirt loving, comfy clothes wearing, simple hair doing, capital letter writing, blueprint making, mechanical invention contemplating, complexly beautiful unique girl.  And with His help, I have learned how to be a woman who has some traditionally feminine characteristics too.... hospitality, teaching, loving others, gardening, graciousness, giving, mentoring, cooking, organization, and even compassion are now also, only by His grace, a huge part of who I am. 

He has shown me that the less I try to be someone else, and the more I embrace the design He has for my life alone, the better I am at being a what He created me to be..... 

A woman...... created for His glory, and my own good.

What floating down a river taught me about life and family.....

We floated down a river with some extended family this weekend.

It was an awesome ride..... moments worth reflecting on and worth sharing.


As we started down the river, we were all grouped tightly together.  Even though we were in the same current, some floated with ease down the river as others got stuck or were moving along at a much slower pace.  It didn't take long for distance to quickly grow between us all.  Our group now spanned a good section of the river.

It was a beautiful winding river, you couldn't quite see what was too far up ahead.  The ones who were in the lead shouted cautions to those lagging behind, helping them to guide them around the obstacles up they could see up ahead. 

Sometimes you couldn't see the obstacles, but they were there nonetheless.  Lurking just beneath the water, boulders eager to be bruising landmines or tall grasses determined to snare you.  Other times they were more obvious.  Overgrown or down trees, branches stretching out to entangle you.  Large rocks peeking out above the water, warning of the danger below.  Some were easier to navigate around than others.

Most of the time, though, the ride was absolutely glorious.  Smooth waters, gentle current, slight breeze, warm sun, a balance of good company, conversation, reflection, and solitude, all in a beautiful serene setting.  Family all around to help work together if you needed it. 

Arms and legs sprawled over tubes warm from the sun.  Sunglasses and hats.... some more "interesting and secure" than others.  Shoes off, shoes on, shoes as paddles, shoes lost.  Toes and fingers reaching for other tubes, linking together.  Smiles..... glorious smiles.

At one point there was a lone tube, stuck in a huge down tree.  No one was there to help them.  They had quite the job ahead of them to get around what had entrapped them.  No one could help them without risking popping their own tubes, and it made me think of this.  It made me glad to be floating with my family.

And then came the rapids......

All the recent flooding and heavy rain sure helped bustle us right along. What an adventure!  Shoes lost, tubes flipped, water soaked, knees and toes cut, giggles and shivers.  I think over half our group landed at our exit point either bloody or bruised.  (I personally couldn't even stand up on the slippery rocks, because I was giggling at a certain aunt upstream who was desperately trying to remount her capsized tube.... most likely weakened by the same terrible giggling disease I have.)

Our river journey finally came to an end. 

We gathered again together.  Sharing stories, triumphs, giggles, hugs, shivers, comparing battle bruises and wounds.  We discussed how to navigate the current, rapids, and landing more successfully next time.  A determination to conquer the next adventure met a sadness for those who missed out.

The only posted danger sign along the way was for the rapids, but many other things were obstacles nonetheless.  It could have been a boulder or tree, or perhaps a change in current, a gust of wind, a cloud, a sandbar, long reeds, litter, slippery rocks, fear, or isolation.... they all sure seemed inconvenient and quite unpleasant at the time.

But they didn't matter anymore.  It didn't matter how much pain they caused.  It didn't matter the trial or circumstances we had faced.  What mattered was we all landed on the shore safely to walk away together.

Eager to move on to what is ahead..... together.



This river reminded me of life.
This river reminded me of family.



We start off this journey as a family, neatly grouped all together.  The current of life happens, and distance of some nature is inevitable.  We are all in the same journey together, but we take different paths at different speeds.  Many times we are out of reach, other times too close for comfort.

Just like the river, we do not know what is up ahead of us.  There are some things in life that have obvious warning signs, and but there are many other hidden things that are just as dangerous.  Things that slow us down, or entrap us.  There are constant threats in this life, and we all need guidance to navigate it well.

Many times those who have gone ahead of us shout words of caution to those headed toward similar obstacles, hoping to be a guide away from danger or pain.  And, although most of our journey may be smooth, from time to time we all face unforeseen and inevitable obstacles along the way.  It is in these moments that working together is essential.

Floating that river alone would not have been half as fun, and certainly would have been far more dangerous.

Above all else, one thing is certain for us all. 

All of our journey's come to an end.  Family meets us there, despite the distance along the way.  Stories are shared, battle scars and wounds are exposed.



You may be wondering what this has to do with following Jesus.
My answer is........ absolutely everything



You see even though our journey down the river was complete, we faced one specific problem.  We got off on the wrong side of the river.  Across the swiftly moving post rapid current and full of slippery dangerous rocks, on the other side of the river was the pick up spot where a shuttle would deliver us safely home.  After the trouble we had just standing up in the water near the edge, all of us knew there was no way we were going to be able to cross over the river on our own strength.  There was nothing we could do.

Thankfully, someone had provided a way.  I was so busy enjoying the ride, I had completely missed it.  I had floated right under it.  There just behind us, spanning high over the river was a walking bridge. 





I love bridges.  They are marvelous and full of wonder.  A marvel deeper than knowing that man was able to connect two pieces of land together for so many to cross.  A wonder deeper than being a gateway to a new place to discover.  Deeper yet.  A soul deep wonder.  They cause me to marvel at The Bridge that was built, provided, and gifted to me in Christ.  The Bridge that no man can build, no enemy can destroy, and has the ability to set all things right.

So on that river's edge, we did the only thing left to do at the end of a journey.  One by one we crossed safely over the bridge, and began our way home... together.

Just as fast as our river journey passed........

We hugged together.
We applied sunscreen together.
We mounted tubes in the cool water together.
We peed together.
We floated together.
We talked together.
We listened together.
We contemplated together.
We giggled together.
We grinned together.
We shivered together.
We adored creation together.
We soaked up rays together.
We rode the rapids together.
We bruised our bottoms together.
We wiped out together.
We cut our toes together.
We ate wild berries together.
We rode a bus together.
We picnicked together.
We threw a Frisbee together.
We shared old memories together.
We watched our men nearly die on a waterslide together.
We hugged one another little tighter together.
We said goodbye together.

Just as fast.....the journey of life also quickly comes to an end.


And when it does, the only thing that really truly matters is that we all have found The Bridge that delivers us safely home, together........ forever.